Beaconsfield of Dreams?

Beaconsfield of Dreams

“Build it and they will come!”

They were not talking about Kevin Costner’s 1989 baseball film but the reputation of the best football ‘scran’ around.

Holvey’s Penalty Spot Cafe at Penydarren Park Football Stadium with it’s now World Famous curry, cob n chips has become an International sensation for adding not just Michelin stars to the palettes but spare tyres to a football fans waistline too.

The next time you hear that us Merthyr Fans have a cob on you know what they mean.

And today with 5 year old George Chapman from Witney, Oxfordshire, accompanying Club Captain, Matthew ‘Merthyr Messi’ Harris onto the pitch it went a long way to sending the newest recruit to the Martyrs Fanbase off to dreamland as he ‘rammed’ ’ his beaming happy face with the aforementioned football feast.

But back on the pitch the only ‘Ramming’ on the day was done by the rams of Beaconsfield Town, who were locking horns with their high flying third placed Welsh counterparts.

It is a strange phenomenon but in recent years there has been a surge in Welsh Nationalism and Pride in our tiny Celtic Nation- mainly thanks largely to Gareth Bale & Co on the international stage but other factors too - but Wales Ladies Captain Jess Fishlock has helped too.

The adoption of septuagenarian Dafydd Iwan as our ‘Pop’ Idol and his stirring unofficial Martyrs anthem of Yma O Hyd has played its part - as have the failings of the Westminster Government but even Beaconsfield Town would have been shocked and mystified as to why the lettering on their ancient coach would suddenly change to Bannaufield Town when they reached the edge of the Brecon Beacons National Park.

With Football taking over Rugby as Wales’ Number One Sport it was perhaps a fitting time to wave a final goodbye to Welsh Rugby & British Lion Egg- chasing legend
JPR Williams, as he leaves the field of dreams and takes his famous ‘lamb chop sideburns’ to Cloud 9 or even Cloud 15 for his last ever ‘up and under’.

One Angel who didn’t enjoy an up and under today was our Liam.

One challenge by a backing in Beaconsfield striker saw our ‘high flier’ do just that as he tumbled over his opponent’s shoulders striking the ground hard with his head.

But whilst he saw little cartoon angels of his own floating around his personal i-cloud the Trojan warrior just got back up in true JPR fashion and despite being concussed played on bravely.

The advice from the sidelines coming from his fellow Heavenly Host , Paul ‘The Saint’ Michael was invaluable -advising him to aim to head the middle ball of his treble vision.

The Merthyr Board were more concerned as to how to fill the dent in the 3G surface from our very own Marvellous superhero ‘Ironman’.

And treble vision was also on the cards when the writer was asked at last minute to present Lewys Twamley with his Man of the Match Award for his ‘double’ against Basingstoke Town - somewhat aptly it was a bottle of South Wales finest spirit- Penderyn Whiskey - after previous invitees George Best, Paul Gascoigne and Betty Ford failed to turn up for some odd reason.

And not because of any ‘optic illusion’ either.

What could be more inviting on a Cold Mid-Winters day than a ‘dram for Twam’?- than the best ever cure for colds, C.I.A induced ( Chest Infection Ailments) Jeffrey Epstein -style ‘hangovers’ and of course the panacea and secret ingredient for longevity in Nursing Homes up and down the ‘Not our Principality’.*

*Boz Note for Ownes- is your Prince called Owain Glyndwr or was that the name of your canine police dog companion?

Now I don’t know if I had accidentally sat in Eddie ‘Mystic Ed’ Thomas’ seat but I had a bad feeling that the Beaconsfield Rams were about to turn over the Muttonheaded Martyrs and give them the chop.

My nasal Nostrildamus hairs were twitching all week.

For that was the tactics of the more experienced Buckinghamshire side who were much more physical than their lightweight hosts and who took full advantage of a teetotal referee who was more Chamberlain than Churchill and seemed to think that the only yellow card in his pocket was an AA one rather than a FA one.

The Automobile Association kind of course and not the other kind - even if the near sided linesman was largely Anonymous throughout the game.

So much so I wondered if he was the son of actress Emilia Fox as he did a great impression of a Silent Witness.

He had the opportunity to correct the main man in black, who had bungled the second half Callum Ryan Phillips challenge that earned our defender a yellow when he clearly took the ball from the onrushing Ram forward pressing down on the Cogman goal but failed to take responsibility and actual help his senior colleague.

To more boos than the Aberdare based distillery , referee Dan Frizzell ruled that the Martyrs player had played the man and not the ball- a decision that Danish competitors, Carlsberg Brewery would have described as ‘probably the worst call in the World’

And yet the day started with more promise than a bar of Fry’s Turkish Delight , when on 18 minutes , the muscular figure of Gethyn Hill was flattened by a Beaconsfield central defender who coming from the London Green Belt earned a further few Dans in a karate style challenge worthy of a brown belt.

As the Beaconsfield wall lined up- fear spread amongst the ranks about the reputation of Tom Handley ‘s neutering capabilities and they collectively decided to swing them like a cats cradle - to make it harder with a moving Testicles target- only for the Rams to leap in the air and witness the guile of Alex John ‘Lee Trundling’
the ball with accuracy into the corner of keeper Matt Rowley’s net.

1-0 to the Martyrs and then suddenly unexplainably just like a Squirrel’s nuts they went into hibernation once more.

The footballing boot came off the gas which allowed Beaconsfield back into the game.

And boy did they take advantage of the lapse -piling on more pressure than a hippo in a stiletto heel standing on a bare foot - or the Koolers nightclub equivalent.

Scoring two late goals from Asher Yearwood and Tom McElroy - the first a well placed header from a right wing cross and the second right on the stroke of half-time to take a lead into the interval.

It was completely deserved too as the ball had for several minutes been pinging about the Merthyr Penalty box like a version of Pinball Wizard with only some last ditch defending from Harris, Angel & Co(gman) keeping the Rams from ‘bleating’ us dry.

On a cold Winters day it was an unusual occurrence but the Merthyr players would have actually welcomed the ‘hairdryer treatment ‘ from the Manager at halftime but they couldn’t get the Clairol blower off substitute Noah Smerdon.

And the worst thing possible that could have happened in the second half for the Home Team was to concede an early third goal.

It came after a cross from the left flank which was turned in by a combination of the unlucky Underbeard of Callum Ryan- Phillips and Beaconsfield winger ( well naturally he would be) Dan Gosling- with the latter claiming it as there was a single feather stuck to the ball found in the net.

1-3 and the Martyrs were up against it once again against so called lower opposition.

Losing Gethyn Hill to another injury didn’t help but the cavalry charge from the substitutes did as Fraser Thomas & Noah Smerdon began to turn the tide.

On 82 Twamley had finally sobered up and took on a different ‘spirit’ of Atalanta sensation , Ceri ‘Georgie’ Williams before cutting the deficit to one with a carbon copy of an earlier goal from last week.

2-3 and the Beaconsfield Management where starting to get twitchy- they escaped a penalty shout after a mad goalmouth ‘scrabble’ - no not a misprint- with a defender whose surname was spelt Kpohomouh - it had to be a scrabble.

Sadly there was to be no triple word score for the Martyrs who had only come to life with 8 minutes left plus injury time.

The Rams hung on to Golden Fleece the Martyrs but no neutral watcher could say it wasn’t well deserved.

But the big issue was that this was one opportunity that had gone a begging.

The game ended with a huge cheer from their supporters and with an average home attendance of less than 100 fans one wondered if they had closed the Town for the day.

Never mind - you can’t win them all - one man’s dream is another’s nightmare and with the injuries starting to pile up - our medical support man, Kevin Brain might be the crucial difference over the next few weeks to keep us in the hunt for a play-off place.

One thing is certain Manager Paul ‘the Saint’ Michael and his assistant Andrew Smith will be busy Brain-storming over the next seven days before the Away trip to Dorchester next weekend.

So please no one rub him up the wrong way- we don’t want a Dry January.

Boz

And we are still none the wiser as to the correct pronunciation of Beaconsfield...

Dafydd Iwan has become the pop idol. This is a change from idle pops !!!