Gone-But not for Totton

Gone-but not for Totton

They say that a week is a long time in politics and it is an even longer wait when you want to welcome the footballing heroes home after their dramatic FA Cup at Gloucester.

Last week’s event was an even greater feat by slaying the Flying Gloucester Dragon than an episode of the Game of Thrones.

It was a work of pure Fantasy.

Unfortunately today,  the collective band of Merthyr Brothers come back down to Middle Earth with a bump.

Admittedly, it wasn’t the full strength Merthyr team and it was only the FA Trophy but we were on the receiving end of a different giant killing act this time.

The conquering visitors in question were the Stags of AFC Totton, who stood up to the ‘Test’ and ‘rutted’ the Merthyr team into submission, after a power struggle between their disciplined defence and a misfiring Merthyr midfield and unbalanced forward line.

Initially, in the Autumn sunshine it was great to see Jaimie Cogman start a game in goals but so disappointing to see the ‘wheels come off’ inside the first minute.

A hopeful punt forward by Totton saw the young keeper lose his bearings in the low sun and he clattered into midfielder Ethan Taylor for an unnecessary foul.

Physically he was on the pitch, but mentally he was still on the substitutes bench.

Why he didn’t head the ball clear only he knows but referee Daniel Pattison correctly pointed to the spot for the fastest penalty decision since Jeremy Clarkson came to Town.

It would be a murder mystery for the young keeper, as not even Inspector Wexford had a clue which way Rendell would go and ultimately kill off the tie for the Martyrs.

In a match that saw less shots on target than an Alec Baldwin movie, there was an air of inevitability that the dramatic changes in the Merthyr starting line-up would affect the performance which had peaked at the Tiger-turf Stadium and had been  selected with one eye on the prize that is the next round FA Cup home draw of Folkestone Invicta.

If any player (on this showing)  has secured his starting place ( apart from Fuller that is ) it is that of the Samba King Curtis Jemmett-Hutson, who looked to have regained some of his magic powers so prominent pre-season.

He should have been awarded a penalty on 66 minutes when he once again got goal-side of a Devon-fender only to have his shirt pulled back in the area unbalancing him when he was through on goal.

To give the benefit of the doubt to miniature referee Pattison, he may have been unsighted but it was a shocking error from the narcoleptic near sided linesman who must have seen the blatant foul.

If he didn’t see it then he best get off to Specsavers pronto as everyone else on this side of the pitch did.

If the youngster has any future in the game he needs to grow a pair of Alan’s and not wait for the referee to tell him what to do.

His poor decision cost the Martyrs a draw and a place in the second round hat- but given the status of this match and the poor level of prize money on offer  -I can’t decide whether to thank him or slaughter him for such a dreadful mistake.

I live in hope he doesn’t get the call-up for the big games or he could be lynched by a less forgiving bunch of fans.

Although as I left the ground, the officials (who were at best woeful and at worst more shocking than Ted Bundy’s blindfold) were being loudly booed off the pitch by the Merthyr faithful, who have on occasion been known to sportingly applaud good refereeing performances.

And it was not just for getting the Stonewall penalty decision wrong but the inability of the officials to hurry up the Stags and their deliberate slowing down of the game, feigning injury and gamesmanship.

They seemed to spend more time wasting than a supermodel’s diet.

With the exception of the speed and movement of the Samba King, the home side were a shadow of the team that took the Tigers to task clearly missing the hard running and space created by Frazer Thomas.

Several of the players looked off the pace and out of sorts.

When the home side took off Alex John,  the game was over as a contest , as the Stags were content to sit behind a bank of ten players hoping just to hit the Martyrs on the break or collapse to the floor as if fracking had started in Wales.

It never looked like costing them ‘deer’ as Away Captain Orson Carter repelled everything thrown at him - by hook or by crook or tactical foul as a last resort.

It finished 1-0 to the visitors in a game that will live long in no-one’s memory bar for the Totton Management whose tactics clearly worked and were allowed to profit by the ineffectual officials.

All credit to the New Forest side for implementing their ‘game’ plan so well and for the Away player who brought a smile to the Home Fans frustration when he left the pitch hocking more loogies than Marc Bolan and T-Rex (a jitterbug loogie?) knowing the officials were buying it big style.

Smiling and laughing that his team had participated in more rollovers than the National Lottery.

Let’s hope Totton enjoy their Stag Night and a chip supper on the way home on the coach but don’t drink too much badger juice to leave sore heads in their Sett play in the Morning.

As for Merthyr they have bigger fish to fry next week.

Let’s hope these officials are gone and the next lot are not for Totton.

Boz