Scream Blue Merthyr

Scream Blue Merthyr

With the onset of Halloween, the Loadlok Stadium was a scary place indeed for the youngsters of Cinderford to visit today.

With the average age of the visiting team being about twelve, it really was a men against boys football match occasion.

If it hadn't been for centre half Lee Hartshorn, promising their parents they would be under his guardianship, most of the Cinderford players wouldn't have been allowed to visit Merthyr today for a trick or treat special.

It didn't take long for the correctly spelt Kayne McLaggon to 'ghost' into the penalty area, only to be cut down to size by the axe- wielding Forester keeper, Lumber -Jack Torrance.

On fifteen minutes, it was Wing wizard Ian Traylor, who put a 'spell' on the keeper from the penalty spot to go one up.

Seconds later, Kaynomite almost got our second, with a carbon copy of his goal at home to Stratford - with the ball being whipped across from the right wing to be met by his mid-air volley which slid narrowly wide of the goal- the only difference being that today the floodlights were still on.

Less than five minutes later, he got his just reward, when he slotted home from the left wing, after a neat move from 'quidditch' star Eliott Richards.

It is said that a new 'broomstick' sweeps clean and it was Richards who produced a beautifully struck volley that Marco Van Basten would have be proud of, when he hammered the bar harder than the pre-match Bennettorial Army.

If he felt that the spirits of Samhain were against him, it was only a matter of time before he added his name to the white scoresheet, as he hit Merthyr's third to the sound of 'booing'.

It wasn't a ghost trying to scare people, it was the sound of the newly appointed Cinderford manager Brough crying.

He was earlier introduced to the crowd as the 'Shining' new Cinderford Manager to the tunes of 'HERE'S JOHNNY!' - as a few of our female supporters cowered behind the portable toilet door.

If at that point the heads of the young Cinders players went down, at least the curly Afro hair of their number 3 stayed upright - as the back-pedalling dead 'ringer' for Screech was faced in one instance by the pace and skilful dribbling of Ian Traylor and was 'saved by the bell' or at least by the linesman's flag from conceding goal number 4.

That honour was to fall to Manager SuperGavin Williams.

He hit the goal of the game to 'bedazzle' the Away Keeper with a scintillating finish which illustrated his class.

It is said that the mark of a great player is that he appears to have more time on the ball than everyone else.

Today, Gavin was in a different International Time Zone than the Gloucester kids and his touch, his passing and his authority was there for all to see.

He directed and controlled the game in the same way that Anthony Hopkins pulled the strings in the ventriloquist dummy film 'Magic' and delivered the killer blows in the same fashion too.

Alongside him, was that six foot flame-haired hard-man- 'Josh's Giant'- who scattered his young opponents in all directions, as he drove forward towards the penalty area.

I have not seen anything like that since the fire at the Calais Jungle.

With the score at 4-0 the result was never in doubt, but all of a sudden the Gloucester Schoolboys XI got one back.

It was a real 'Cinder Surprise' to the children, not the ones in the Junior Martyrs but the ones playing for the first team.

At last a treat for the youngsters and not a trick.

Most were physically so small that they wouldn't have reached the minimum height required to be allowed on the Barry ( Thomas) Ghost Train.

Their lack of physical prowess was so obvious, that they made Merthyr loanee Jaye Bowen looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger, with Josh Yorwerth pushing them off the ball with ease.

It was a good job that Merthyr rested Captain Marble, Ashley Evans - otherwise he would have taken their pocket money too.

Today, footballing history was made, as Jaye was the third Bowen to play against the Town, after his father Jason (Llanelli) and of course, our favourite FA Cup son, Lewis Sommers.

By the time Traylor had hit the fifth just on halftime, the talk in the home crowd was not if we would win but by how many and did Bingo Barry have an electronic cricket scoreboard?'

It comes to something, when Octagenarian Fan, Uncle G-g-granville Morris starts quoting Big Daddy, Shirley Crabtree, and standing on his seat, clapping his hands above his Dai Cap and shouting ' Easy...Easy...!'

After his latest double, Traylor now has more Merthyr braces to his name than John Croad,
the dentist.

Personally, I had a feeling we would score another, as I had a 'sixth sense' - on the pitch Cinderford were chasing shadows, as the 3G surface took its toll on the young 'uns'....as their average shoe size was less than half of Refell's Kanu's.

On the sixty minute mark, the supervising Assistant Manager, 'Clarkie of the Works' decided sensibly that it was time for changes to ensure the players needed for the Kettering match came through unscathed.

After a happy hour, Curtis McDonald was replaced not by Brother Ronald McDonald or another creepy Halloween Clown but by Gethin Jones.

By then Cinderford keeper, Sylvester Stallone realising that he was not 'escaping with a victory' went down 'slyly' and somewhat mysteriously.

The original thought was that it was a pulled calf muscle but thankfully in the end it turned out only to be from 'embarrassment'.

The referee who was 200% better than last weeks official, mercifully blew up five minutes early, indicating that the Merthyr Captain (KMC) had done a Foghorn Leghorn and stated 'I do declare' .

Overall today, Merthyr and in particular, SuperGavin Williams, were a 'class' above the Foresters.

They were 'primary' and we were fully 'comprehensive'.

A quality performance from the home team after an 'All Saints' day and plenty of Cinners in the away side- who were naive and young but with a few visits to the gym soon capable of playing decent football.

Their substitute with the 'Spandau Ballet' quiff impressed ( number 12 ) and looks one for the future.

However, there wasn't just a Man of the Match today- there was the return of a non-league footballing God.

I think that away keeper will have Halloween Nightmares tonight in the form of not a mad Axeman coming for him but of a cultured vintage bloody 'Hammer' Horror flick.

I suspect he may scream ( claret n) blue Merthyr.

Boz

Boz1964 wrote:
After his latest double, Traylor now has more Merthyr braces to his name than John Croad,
the dentist.

Blast from the past (if that's how you spell his name!). He was my dentist! Remember bumping into him at PP a few times (he always warned me against Polo mints!). Is he still around? Seem to recall he passed away..?

Well Sol

He is still alive, still actively promoting the Town as a place of business, ironically drives a Volkswagen and takes part in Prince Charles favourite mounted sport ( not Camilla either) and wears designer tee-shorts with a hole in them.

Boz