Yea’s & Heading

Yea’s & Heading

It was good to be back at Penydarren Park once again, after a couple of games absence and even better to watch it in the sunshine for a change.

Today’s opponents were from the London Borough of Hillingdon and consisted of a combined team of both Hayes & Yeading.

Whereas Merthyr consisted of a combined team made up of Prince Charles Hospital Outpatients and veteran players playing through the pain barrier that had been forced to return from retirement to supplement their meagre state pension.

Injuries what injuries?

No Hill Man, No Thomas, No Yorwerth and No-ah Smerdon.

And we were Liverless rather than Livermore.

There were less bodies on the Merthyr bench than Harold Shipman’s waiting room.

And it took only 9 minutes for another season ticket holder at the Casualty Department to add to our list of woes.

Keiran Evans was tackled from behind (where else he is too fast and tricky for defenders to be anywhere else) and once again his ankles turned bluer than a Jim Davison stand up routine at a Conservative Downing Street COVID Party and he had to be carried off like a broken garden swing.

Our stand usually has an informal fun game of Kieran Evans’ Bingo - betting on the minute of the game that Kieran is actually substituted due to injury.

After a few weeks of non- rollovers- today there wasn’t even enough time for
a bingo line let alone a full house ( Wales Rugby was on versus an Ireland/Australia/New Zealand 15 in the 8 Nations Tournament)

Not even the two fat ladies who normally opt for 88 got that call correct.

And with our most creative player now sidelined, the Merthyr Management once again having to shuffle their remaining 15 card deck, whilst adding in a couple of jokers hoping to pull a few aces from up their sleeves.

Thankfully young Goalkeeper Jaime Cogman proved he had a ‘strong hand’ as on 51 minutes he used it brilliantly to stop the former Botwell Mission Happy Clappers from adding to their first half lead.

He may not have saved any souls in the process but he certainly proved to be the Martyrs Saviour today, as he put on a brilliant performance below the wooden crossbar to rescue a point for our walking wounded.

The Londoners only have themselves to blame, as they should have been out of sight inside the first 30 minutes, when they first took the lead on 17 minutes through an own goal created or pressured in by the quick feet of wing back Steve Ngunga.

There was an almighty roar when the ball Nestle’d * in the back of the Merthyr net supporting the Tabla drums of the Hayes & Yeading Indian support resulting in Ngunga din from the David Miles Stand.

*Boz Note for Ownes - Swiss Chocolate manufacturer Nestle has a big Smarties factory in Hillingdon but you have to get to it by the Tube?

It was fully justified too as the speed of the Hayes attack -especially number 12 Samuel Faniyan - made the home defence look like Mollusc Tydfil.

With Paul ‘The Saint’ Mitchell not having to bother checking the GPS data at half time as he could just stare at the slime trails on the pitch.

At the interval, it was Hayes Manager Mark Molesley who seemed the happier of the two, even if his pitch side bubble coat made him look like he was being eaten by Eric Carle’s Very Hungry Caterpillar.

The Home Fans were despondent once again after at a poor first half display, as the sky became darker and more cloudier and the Jackson Five song came over the Chamberlain tannoy - as they didn’t know whether to blame it on the sunshine, blame it on the moonlight, the good times or the bogey team from the Smoke.

The only positive from a disjointed and uncharacteristic performance was that of rising star Lewys Twamley.

He was certain in orbit as his passing and overall wing play was sublime.

Just like the Cardiff City FC sticker, spot-welded to the gentleman’s toilet metal urine tray he was ‘untouchable’, with the young Hayes full back propelling himself onto Calum Ryan-Phillips shinbone like a Hayes Lemming to avoid Twamley’s advances with our fans were referring to the Hayes defender as Marmite - as Twamley had him on toast every time.

The second half couldn’t be any worse for Merthyr with Assistant Manager, Andrew ‘Smudger’ Smith busily posting the faces of his players on the front of milk cartons that had gone missing for most of the match.

Whether it was a tactical switch or the superior fitness of the Martyrs but Hayes slowly began to tire, taking their foot off the gas pedal but deciding to leave their speedy front too of Faniyan and Ronan Silva to threaten the zimmer defence of the Merthyr rearguard.

And then it was the Away Fans turn to feel frustrated as the Cognisant Goalkeeper put on a series of saves that would put TV Evangelist Billy Graham to shame.

Tipping one onto the bar , another through a stronger glove hand than the creator of the Muppets, as the other Oz produced a show that even Statler & Waldorf would be forced to applaud.

He even deflected one shot with his breath onto the woodwork after one superb attempt by Silva nearly made gold.

And then on 56 minutes, Merthyr got their reward for their persistence and improved performance.

It came from an Alex John corner which found the head of Calum Ryan Phillips after the defender planted a well placed header over Hayes Keeper Jacob Adams.

He might have saved it but he got his timing wrong as he had already wasted more time than a Uxbridge College student on a herb cookery course.

The Hayes defence blamed each other for the confusion as with the youngster sporting an Underbeard they didn’t know which way up he was to mark him.

1-1 and the Martyrs just like the occupants of the Bibby Stockholm had been thrown a lifeline.

Confidence slowly started to seep back into the boots of the Merthyr players which recently has seen them record more duck eggs than a kleptomaniac ornithologist.

The Town had snatched a draw from the jaws of defeat, which felt more like three points and probably should have been after a blatant trip from behind in the box on Lewys Twamley was turned down by referee Adam Wilson.

There was no reason for him to fall when he was about to pull the trigger.

That would however have been the ‘straw’ that broke the camel’s back for ‘Hayes’ though who deserved a point on that first half hour showing alone.

But thanks to Calum, Merthyr Fans witnessed their own Yea’s and his Heading.

Boz