Men v Boi s

Men v Boi's.

There is an old saying in life that Charity begins at Home.

So having missed the Swansea u23's match last weekend (helping my eldest son move to Bristol) there was no truer statement for me today.

So with Merthyr Town playing a charity match against treble winning Cynon Valley side Abercwmboi in aid of the Alzheimer's Society Charity, it was a somewhat ironic twist that the match proved for a multitude of reasons to be truly unforgettable.

Sat in the impromptu beer garden, with the gentle aroma of warm verrucas wafting over from the next table of hot-footed Red Flag Martyrs, fresh from completing a marathon walk to raise funds for the Charity, it was a perfect afternoon for local football and a fitting tribute to one of our most successful managers, Lyn Jones and former Martyr and Abercwmboi Manager Tony Jenkins.

Unlike our hard working volunteers that have kept our Club going in recent weeks, it was my first visit to Penydarren Park since the season end in May and I was a little concerned as to the state of our finances- which were heightened when I saw the sign 'Boot Sale' at Penydarren Park.

Did this mean that times were so hard we were now having to sell off part of the players kit to balance the books?

If so, as a consolation, perhaps I could buy Corey Jenkins' 'Fast n Furious' Octane Boots of the Monmouthshire 'Mercury' Wingman?

At least, that way I could fly to work this week rather than the usual drudge walk.

As both sides lined-up before the match, it was a nervous time not just for the players but for us fans too, as even before last season had ended , the usual Merthyr rumour mill was turning out worrying reports that our best players were on their way to Barry Town, Hereford United or Manchester United (Fair Play -they REALLY do need some quality imports).

Thankfully, the curse of the Merthyr Player of the Season Award has not struck again, and with less than two minutes on the clock, the evergreen Ian Traylor fired home the opener.

With worries that our longest serving loyal forward and his 'Marvel'-ous strike partner,
Ryan 'the Holy Beard' Prosser's superpowers were starting to wear off with age, it didn't take long for our replacement striker, Gethyn to prove he isn't 'over the Hill', as he athletically juggled the ball before volleying the ball into the net past the Abercwmboi keeper,
Matt Jenkins.

It had to be something special to beat Jenkins, who was to prove outstanding between the sticks all day, and Boi was it something special.

Imagine having to take the Wife shopping and missing the quality of that strike or the unnatural supersonic saves of their goalie?

However, the busiest keeper on the day wasn't from Abercwmboi but the one on the scoreboard, as it soon had to be altered again.

The Cynon Valley Serpent Traylor had slithered in once more from the long grass at the far post, to 'rattle' in a Jamie Veale cross for Town's third and end Abercwmboi's hope of any recovery.

The gulf in class was even more evident, as an Away defender unluckily shinned the ball into the Theatre End net to add a fourth and turn a Herculean task into a Sisyphean*one.

( *Ownes - your homework has restarted again)

As Merthyr added their fifth from a fine strike from Keiran Lewis, the Aberdare Valley Football League Champions realised that despite winning the Jack Jones & Colin Stockley Cup, they were more out of their depth than Ronnie Corbett using Richard Osman's bath tub.

The youth and superior fitness of the Merthyr Town first team was showing, as Jamie Veale hit Abercwmboi for six and keeper Matt Jenkins looking more exposed at the back than a Mountain Ash builder bending over to check his tyre pressures.

Worse still , it was soon time for the Owain Jones show and a bigger crash than Geraint Thomas in the Tour De France.

It was the goateed 'Tulio' , who thumped home a brace only separated by yet another Gethyn Hill goal that had poor Abercwmboi reeling more than an episode of Robson Green extreme fishing.

The perfect ten was reached on the hour mark, when Tom Meechan danced his way past keeper Matt Jenkins despairing dive.

It was cruel on the Cynon Valley keeper, as he had already this afternoon being forced to stop more shots than John Lennon's CND waistcoat.

Just 'imagine' that.

With the local league team on their last legs, it was legs eleven for Town, as Meechan too added his name to the Doubles Winners list of Traylor, Hill, Jones and Venus & Serena Williams.

By the time Keiran Lewis had joined the elite brace brigade, most of the Boi's from the Black Stuff, had in the heat of the July day given up the ghost.

The Ian Traylor opener from a low cross had proved the Furnace Height Plant from Hell for Abercwmboi.

With the scoreline at 12-0 to the Home Team, the Merthyr Management decided to show that they were not uncharitable.

They decided to bring on hard working Volunteer and lifelong Merthyr Fan, Jeff Hurley, in goal to even up the score.

Replete, in a shade of orange known as 'Phurnacite Glow', he proceeded to show us fans on the terraces why we should stick to Subbuteo.

With a twelve goal cushion, the Gurnos equivalent to Peter Schmeichel, decided to come up for a corner and very soon, single handedly started to turn the tide back in the favour of the Aberdarites.

12-1 turned into 12-2 with the Abercwmboi players previously praying for the first half to end, now wondering if the game could go to Fergie time, so they could even up the score or what MIGHT have happened with a Hurley-ier substitution.

Fourteen goals, an hour and a half quality entertainment with cameo appearances from former Martyrs Atalanta legend Kevin 'Schofield' Rogers, Peter 'Bite your ankles' Jones and Roger 'Canary' Gibbins thrown in for free.

And a local league team that gave everything they had and refused to quit against far superior opposition.

What more can you ask for £2.00?

Full coffers for a deserving Charity and a dream come true for one of our local heroes?

Unbelievable Jeff.

Boz

A wise move for your son to Bristol. When I am not in Merthyr, I am there. But when there is work on the railway line near Severn Tunnel junction, they have more (bus) replacements than we have seen so far in the two Merthyr friendlies!
As stated, plenty of entertainment today, and there could have been more goals!! A walk, a game, a boost for charity, and songs from Bryony Sier in Romans Bar later. Anthony Jenkins was still there, having enjoyed the day!!

Merthyrs loss Tim, Merthyrs loss...!

According to the encyclopaedia Brittanica which I have in my attic Sisyphus was a Greek King who was punished being deceitful by rolling a boulder to the top of a hill,only for it to roll down again.

You must be looking in the wrong dictionary Ownes.

Mine says Sisyphus is something to get checked out at the Pontypridd Applause Clinic after a holiday to Thailand.

But then again it is an Welsh Urban Slang Dick Shorn Hairy.

Boz