The Old Gray Whistle Test

The Old 'Gray'  Whistle Test

I wonder what Qatari-based former Sky Sports Commentators Richard Keys and Andy Gray would have made of the officials last night at Penydarren Park?

I assume they would have said 'The Games gone mad!'

The reason?

For the Home Match against our friendly rivals Swindon Supermarine last night, we had a female referee in charge of proceedings.

Now before I get accused of being sexist- I wish to make it clear that I am as sexist as the next man or woman, bisexual or transsexual (if that man happens to be Benny Hill that is) personally I don't have a problem with ladies in sport or female referees or she-ferees - or whatever the PC correct term is.

( Ownes- you are the most PC amongst our group perhaps you would enlighten me?) .

In fact it was very enlightening to witness such a shift in attitudes and of course by introducing a Matriachal influence on the football pitch to see if that might have a positive effect on the all- male players and their reactions to the fairer sex.

However, our Kerry Morgan showed very early on that he has no gender bias , by back chatting the referee giving her his own version of 'lip stick' when he believed she had erred in one of her early decisions.

His inevitable yellow card followed after he refused to give her his number (of his shirt).

Fortunately, his pre-season training with Blondini and Frenchman Phillipe at Niagara Falls over the Summer has enabled our 'Petit' winger to manage to learn how to walk a tightrope for 80 minutes.

However, the referee showed she had bollocks, when she awarded Marine a penalty with only 9 minutes showing on her unisex 'Fitbit' watch.

The fact the foul appeared to be in the centre circle of the pitch rather than the Home penalty area was the subject of much debate amongst the multitude of 'Whispering Bob Harrises' in the stand behind me.

Including the rarely heard strain of a forbidden profanity....the Gurnos equivalent of Foxtrot in the phonetic alphabet.

SuperGav had the best view of the penalty incident using his opera glasses from his position in the stands -where he has been invited by the English FA to sit following his suspension from last season.

Marine Boy Hooper having been unceremonially kicked up the Arse by one of central defenders promptly dispatched the spot kick to the delight of the travelling Swindonites and their celebrity fans Delia Smith & Nigella Lawson.

In fairness, at this point in the game with the referee allowing the much more well-drilled, physical Away Team more leeway to tackle shin or ankle from behind, the Merthyr players would have every right to Spit Fire at those Super Marines.

It seemed like they had an extra man ( or woman) on their side all over the park, with their tight 6-3-3 Squadron formation.

And running the show was the excellent Swindon 7, Bradley Gray, who was clearly passing the 'Whistle-Test' , as he was head n shoulders above the rest with his vision, running, passing and lethal ack-ack shot.

He was a little old to be classed as a 'Prodigy' but with his twin 'hair horns' he was certainly the 'Flint' and principal 'Firestarter' in this solid Supermarine team.

But Merthyr had their own scary character  in the shape of IT.

Ian Traylor in longhand - the King of Terror for defensive line-ups.

Whilst Merthyr's budget means we have to be 'Pennywise' - Traylor proves time and again he is no clown but a fabulous entertainer week on week and continued last night in the rich vein of form he struck last season.

His take down off a high ball from Rory McIlRoy was exquisite and his run and pass had so much quality, waiting striker Meechan could have blown it in with a gentle fart.

If the penalty decision had woken Town out their slumber, then the equalising goal galvanised the Marine Boys into action.

They hadn't come for a point- as is usual in the excellent matches over the years between the two well-matched clubs,  as both sides fought tooth and nail for the goal that would put them into the ascendancy.

It was the ONLY team in Swindon that got it.

It came from an out-swinging that was met by defender Zak Westlake, who hammered home a header that Alan Shearer would have been proud of.

The half-time came with Merthyr Town down 2-1 with a prospect of a further 45 minutes catch-up football in prospect.

At this stage, I would have gladly taken a draw, as Swindon were ahead in all departments- Heading, Defence, Possession and Shots-on target.

The first-half had proved a baptism of fire for left back Joe Hunt and central defender Craig McDonnell.

But then again going up against the Swindon 'Prodigy' it was always likely to be the case.

It is hard for our 'newbies' to step up a couple of levels but with more game time and experience these youngsters will continue to shine.

The end of the inexperienced Hunt came early in the second half - as soon as the floodlights came on- as he had started chasing shadows instead of wingers and a reshuffle was in the offing.

On 55 minutes, Gray had a chance to settle matters, when he made his only error of the game striking the outside of the post when he had only keeper Perry to beat.

Such a miss was to prove crucial, as less than seven minutes later Merthyr were level.

It came after a clear penalty was denied by the referee-after Meecham raced clear of the Supermarine defence -only to be shot down by Baron Von Richthofen from behind in a hail of bullets.

Everyone in the ground saw it except the referee, whose vision I can only assume was obscured by a glass ceiling.

The foul was not lost on the deputising Ashley Thomas, who promptly threw his clipboard out of his pram and onto the 3G touch line ruining his sidoku.

I don't know if it was guilt or karma but three minutes later a beautifully manicured finger pointed to the spot for a seeming innocuous push from behind by a tired treading water Marine defender.

Under more pressure than John Candy's arteries - against quality Swindon keeper Josh Hill- the 'Shining' Ian Traylor- put the penalty 'Over the Hill' and into the corner of the net for Town's second equaliser.

There was still half an hour to play and both teams went Gung-Ho like an England cricketer looking to land a knockout blow hoping to end with a Alli celebration.

The game continued to flow - with credit to the referee for allowing this to happen- and Merthyr finally began to get up a head of steam.

A chance to convert at the back post for a header from Adam Davies in the final minute would have been grossly unfair on Marine, who deserved a point for their first half effort alone.

After 5 minutes of referee 'make-up' time- caused by the injury to Kerry Morgan, the game ended all-square.

All in all it was  a great entertaining game of free- flowing football with four goals- the pick of them being the Traylor Show- all played in good spirit and good value for money.

Nice to see old players return too in the form of Stuart Fleetwood - the ultimate Ground Hopper who has only two clubs left of the 92 before he completes his Panini Shirt Sticker collection, and of course 'Young' ex-Cardiff Players now counting amongst our attendance figures.

First game of the season over and a real test for our players.

Let's hope they use their grey matter and gain invaluable experience at this level when it comes to 'playing future referees' - that way we will pass the Old Grey Whistle Test which will be music to my ears.

Boz

In conforming with the fifth amendment of the American constitution and not wanting to incriminate myself, I make "No Coment ".

Don't tell me that Penydarren has become the 51st State of America.

But I understand that you have the right to remain silent about any Miss Demeanour.

And a lawyer present on Saturday Afternoon....

Boz

Whatever the gender...………………………………………………...BUT OFFICIALS LIKE THE ONE IN THAT GAME WILL COST TEAM'S POINTS.

Like you Geronimo, I have my 'reservations' but the fact remains that the 'pale face squaw' was not the worst referee we have had at the park in recent seasons - as I wish you had been allowed to 'scalp' the sideburns off one of the assistants from last season.

But at our level we have to be grateful for ANY official who plays 5 minutes 'injun-ry' time....so we get more for our football 'trade'.

Besides with the rotation system - each club will get their turn with Pocahontas.


Boz