Freezesham United

'" It's bloody cold!" Said the bloke behind me in the main stand at the Evesham United Jubilee Stadium.

I wondered why no one else was sitting in the front row of the wind tunnel that doubled as the overspill landing strip for Birmingham Airport.

"Yes Sir Ranolph Fiennes..it is innit !" I said as we both put two digits up ( He only had two left) at the Worcestershire referree for playing 55 minutes in the second half.

We were both frozen...but he would not 'let it go'.

But the best thing to come out an away performance (apart from the massive three away points) was that having been cryogenically frozen for the 90 minutes I didn't age for that time....like Cliff Richard or a primary school teacher.

But it could have be so different if the usual home 'monster' keeper had played in goal.

The Evesham rumour-mill said he had received a one game ban presumably for eating some goats or frightening the villagers.

In fairness, the young substitute keeper made some great saves but he only covered a quarter of the goal area , unlike the abominable snow keeper who is hard to beat without an angry mob, some pitchforks and some lanterns.

On the pitch our lads dug in deep against a strong wind that prevented Bradley kicking the ball out of his own half.

It 'Joe Perryied' into touch with much regularity and stopped what could have been a footballing feast.

Luckily Merthyr this season have not only a Plan A but a Plan B too.

Today, we tried plan C too .

To reach the half way line , with that terrible wind , we had to resort to playing head tennis from the defence to the midfield like Arctic seals juggling the ball out from our own half.

The wind would not abate and the Robins appeared to adapt better to the conditions.

We used our superior speed and trickery of Corey 'Ice White ' boots Jenkins to slip and slide in behind their defence and the tenacious tackling of their pit bull number 7 .

They could not cope with the speed of our attack on the deck but had to resort to foul means to prevent us reaching the box with regularity.

The referee tried to 'let it flow ' but eventually led to a flurry of yellow cards on both sides after two spats of handbags on the touch line but I couldn't see exactly why and who was booked.

Both defences were on top and nullified their opposite numbers when on the rare occasions Ashley Edenborough saw play he was well marshalled by the outstanding Ryan Green and his ever reliable partner Jamie Rewbury.

Dan Summerfield growing in confidence week on week , made some great runs and showed some quick feet which ended in him being chopped down by the opposition.

Bradley too in goal had his best game yet , as he saved us with his feet and hands on more than one occasion and looked accomplished in the Polar wind.

Off the pitch , I think my prostate gland had iced over in the cold- so much so it was the first time I have personally suffered from a frozen pipe.

The half ended goalless but both sides were cancelling each other out and any creativity was stubbed out by the biting wind and narrow pitch.

To the credit of the ground staff in the Vale their playing surface was pitch perfect.

This team will definately be in the play off places come the Spring.

Man of the match for me was Ryan Green who looked unbeatable as he strode the field like Russell Crowes Commodus Gladiator .

Young Newport Tank 'Blood & Guts ' Patten too played had a good game but blotted his copy book by needlessly getting a second yellow for hitting the ball into Stratford Town a Centre disrupting the traffic .

Kerry Morgan too showed what the victory meant to the team with his clenched fist salute.

It was a hard fought three points , an excellent away victory against one of the top five sides in our league and another monumental step towards the title we truly deserve.

Roll on May for many reasons .

Not least of them the bloody cold.

Does anyone have a hot water bottle?

Boz