Singeing the Blues

SINGEING THE BLUES

After nearly a month’s worth of rain falling in the Principality in a few days, it was a 3G miracle that Merthyr Town’s match against the Blues of Basingstoke Town would in fact go ahead.

How Poole Town with their quagmire pitch must envy the fact that the Martyrs fixture list rarely goes awry, whilst they contemplate whether to change their name to Ziegfeld Follies Water Poolo Team.

And under a rare South Walian Blue Sky that even E.L.O would be proud of, the match kicked off under the watchful eye of referee Carl Peters with both sets of fans about to witness another rarity- a first half with the award of not just one but three penalties.

At last a Southern League Premier League official who had grown a pair and was unafraid to make a decision and point to the spot, unlike his counterpart Barclays Premier League referees -on megabucks- but who rely on faceless VAR match officials which seem to use the Horizon Post Office IT systems.

The first coming on 19 minutes when lone Wolf striker Ricardo Rees, was tripped despite Basingstoke only having seven defenders in the box.

The big question on everyone’s lips was 1:72 Airfix scale model Basingstoke goalkeeper Paul Strudley going to guess the correct way and prevent Ricardo Rees adding to his 20 goal season haul so far.

Resplendent in his goalkeeping jersey that looked like it had been retrieved from the local school lost property box, he went to his left, while the shot from Ricardo was drilled neatly into the right bottom corner- sadly the travelling forty Blues fans behind the goal on the Theatre End had moved the Stokebutteo Goalie Rod the wrong way.

1-0 to the Martyrs and with just seven minutes and two short blasts on his whistle later there was a second spot kick for the Welshmen,  as a theatrical tumble from the onrushing Rees (that’s why they call it the Theatre End) saw the little big man figure of Strudley collide with the Merthyr forward and referee Carl Peters had no hesitation in awarding another penalty.

The Basingstoke faithful must have thought that this referee was more of a Homer than the Greek one on a different Odyssey.

Tom Handley had the football cradled in his arms hoping to take it but Rees was having none of it.

He wanted to stay in contention for the Pitching In Southern League Premier Division South equivalent of the golden boot.

He wants to win the Magic Karaoke Mike Stud of the Year Trophy and was determined to get his brace.

2-0 to the Martyrs and the newly promoted Visitors looked destitute- having only recently recovered from a 2019 bout of homelessness, having been ejected from their Camrose Stadium with a new Soccer AM crossbar challenge of their own- to find two new ones that is.

Last time these plucky fans visited Merthyr they let off blue smoke canisters and earned the Boz nickname Blazingsmoke Town- but most of our older statesman fans simply thought they had elected a new Pope in the Vatican.

It is good to see these die hard fans back where they belong in our league.

The two teams huffed and puffed along with the evergreen Merthyr Messi- Matthew Harris paired with the everinjured Nick Rhodes - blocking any progress Stoke made on the Merthyr goal..

Inevitably, just in the Nick of time, the latter collapsed in a heap on 35 minutes ( well it is Merthyr after all) to be replaced by fan’s favourite Liam Angel to witness the end of the Rhodes *

*Credit to Train enthusiast Leighton for that little gem.

Rumours that he has a second ‘limp on part’  in Bristol filmed BBC hospital series Holby City then abounded.

And then on 41 minutes an error from Stoke keeper Strudley gifted the ball to winger Lewys Twamley, who followed the Twam lines before blasting a low shot over the head of the despairing Lilliputian for 3-0.

Game set and match to the Martyrs.

The Hampshire Horde , blue not only in fan colours but from the cold were used to Hampshire Downs but there was no likelihood of a comeback from their heroes and headed for the bar.

Not surprisingly after a Blue call of ‘All Rise’ - I rest my case.*

*Boz note for Ownes - best if you sing that last line.

3-0 and in the 45th minute the Merthyr Team must have had their minds on their halftime cup of tea, when an innocuous ball lofted into the box saw a Merthyr player foul a Basingstoke player - and justly so a third penalty.

The chance was eagerly accepted by Number 7 Bradley Wilson - as he hadn’t touched the ball before in the game- and he placed the ball just beyond  the fingertips of Will Fuller to give the visitors just a glimpse of sunshine on a cold Winter’s day.

At halftime in Webley’s bar, I witnessed a Basingstoke fan with a nose bleed from hell and whilst I offered him my hankey, he declined and bled ‘blue’ blood on the floor.

Wayne Hodgkin can now DNA the culprit and send him the floor cleaning invoice.

And I thought it was just Reading FC that had ‘Royal’ Blood.

The game restarted with much of the same until local lawyers and Club sponsors RJM Solicitors and assembled guests were treated to the goal of the game as they witnessed young Lewys Twamley setting off on a run of great genius, dribbling more than Stephen Hawking on Epstein island, before Strudley interrupting the keeper by burying a shot passed him into the far corner of the net.

It was the third successive home game that Merthyr have scored four which left Home Manager Paul ‘the Saint’ Michael polishing his halo.

There was still 41 minutes plus eight more stoppage time to play but the game was long over as a contest at this stage.

But there was plenty of time left for the crowd to witness Tom Handley ( looking lost in playing out of position) take one sizzling free kick and Big Bang Bazinga* which struck a Basingstoke defender in the Winklebury.

*Note for Ownes 2 : more Alliteration for both you and Sheldon Cooper.

Perhaps next time they will think twice about adopting the Basingstoke club Latin motto of Vestigial Nulia Retrosum, which the RJM Solicitors lawyers translated
as ‘never a backward step’.

Merthyr were however lucky to see two of their players escape stronger punishment from referee Carl Peters- firstly on on 47 minutes after a loud ‘Wings appeal’ from the RAF Odiham contingent,  as Liam Angel shouldered charged striker George Reid in the box so hard that he dislodged a ringlet off his head and secondly when Ricardo Rees nearly became Redcardo Rees after retaliating  a dirty trick from a Stoke defender.

As the game and referee Petered out- the official looked forlornly at his broken watch and then blew loudly.

With the loyal away support still busy singing the blues despite the 1-4 scoreline and the fact that  ‘Magic Mike’ Rees & hotshot Twamley had singed them.

Great unwavering support not unlike ours in the Buxton defeat last year.

Stay Up Stoke- this league needs fans like you.

Boz