Out of Toon

OUT OF TOON

Today saw the Geordie Boys of Hanwell Town visit the Penydarren Park Stadium to the strains of ‘haway the London Lads’.

But there is many a good tune played on an old fiddle and that was true of today’s guest up the Park- Proud Defiant Welshman Dafydd Iwan - and even more so of special striker Gethyn Hill.

Whether he was inspired by the unofficial Welsh football anthem of ‘Yma O Hyd’ only Gethyn knows but the Hill was certainly alive with the sound of music.

Not only did he deserve an assist credit for Tom Handley’s first half opener but he scored the second and did more defensive work than Rishi Sunak’s What’s App mobile provider.

The omens were there that the London Geordies were in for a tough day, when their defender Elliott Beynon was booked for a foul on dangerman Keiran Evans in the first minute of the game.

You would have thought he would have waited till they left the player’s tunnel first.

Listening to the passionate strains of Yma O Hyd ringing around this proud stadium is enough to make a grown Welsh Man cry but exactly why visiting former Welsh Secretary John Redwood was so upset beats me?

It was the first time I have witnessed a crying mime since I ran over Marcel Marceau’s foot with my bike.

Now in the Southern Premier League, positional standings have little meaning, as on their day a bottom team can beat those at the top and today a neutral would have been hard pressed to work out which team was Merthyr Town and which was Hanwell until both teams eventually showed their hands.

It then became obvious who were the Geordies, as they were the ones who lived off providing ‘Bobby Charlton headed ‘flick ons’ (More Herr Flicks than 80’s Second World War comedy romp ‘Ello, Ello’ ) and must have been coached by StokeCity’s Rory Delap with more long throws than Linda Blair in the Exorcist.

Merthyr on the other hand kept the ball low on the artificial surface -on
the Dec with the Ants.

The fans of course were much easier to distinguish.

The Martyrs, some of whom made up some impressive Humpty Dumpty bricks in the Red Wall had traded their bucket hats for thick woollen bobble ones and had more layers on than Dawn French’s wedding cake.

Whilst the Geordies were topless, shirtless and blue and that was just the women supporters.

Now I am told that the Powerday Stadium in Perivale has a club house made from an ‘on the buses’ style Ancient double decker bus.

Here in Merthyr before 2010, we were stuck with a dilapidated Strikers Clubhouse- partially demolished and ruined.

But then thanks to the hard work of the volunteers and Martyrs to the Cause , we suddenly had both Webley’s and Romans.

Strange - how you wait for one and then two suddenly come along at the same time.

And it was a bit like that with the second half goals.

On 53 minutes-over the din of the Peter Evans’ London Welsh Male Voice choir - could be heard the voice of Gethyn Hill shouting out Yma o y Hyd - which in Geordie translates to ‘over here on my heed’ and beat keeper Sam Beasant all Hanwell’s down to get the second home goal.

And he slammed it in with more force than a Newcastle fan punching a police horse.

2-0 to the Martyrs and like a Cottage in West Wales in the 1980s -we were on fire.

‘I would love it if we beat them…..love it ‘ I said to the poodle permed figure of
Kevin Keegan sat next to me wearing his heart on his sleeve.

And yet no sooner than we had scored our second than we suddenly looked vulnerable.

As for the next half an hour, the London Magpies had us longer on the rack than a Conservative MP in Soho.

They peppered the Merthyr box with an aerial bombardment that even the IDF would have been proud of.

The Merthyr defence of evergreen Mattie Harris, The Colossus of Rhodes, and Callum Ryan-Phillips looked like a Welsh version of ‘pop up pirate’ as they played more head tennis than Cliff Richard versus Sue Barker.

Ably assisted by Gethyn Hill the trio resembled a Welsh version of Mount Rushmore ( Is that Ian Rush More?) as they created a stone wall defence against their much more physical opponents from the Smoke.

Callum Ryan Phillips taking one full force in the face losing half of his Underbeard in the process as he charged down the Titfield thunderbolt* from the Ealing lot but was still able to ‘Carry on Regardless’

There wasn’t just fog on the Tyne/Thames it was on the Taff too.

*Boz note for Ownes. Very proud of that one- worth Googling.

Then came an old fashioned bicycle kick from their impressive number 5 which struck the post - with the woodwork saving us as well as the heroics of Will Fuller in goal.

But it wasn’t just luck that filled the Red Wall - there now was the added cement of Dafydd Iwan - making us more ‘sound’ than the new mural line-up painted on the new toilet block wall by unknown Cardiff City Artist Bob Banksy.

And after all that snowy baked bread from the cob, curry and frites.

There’ll be bluebirds over the white chips of Holvey’s after all then…

All season, Merthyr Fans have been unable to relax with our strange home form but finally with ten minutes to go Ricardo Rees at last rediscovered his early season goal scoring touch by getting the third after a Tom-a hawk missile from Handley sunk Hanwell stung the hands of their keeper.

For us it was a Beasant experience- for Sam not so.

And then Callum Ryan Phillips with his Underbeard reattached , got the fourth on 93 minutes for 4-0 a scoreline that flattered the Home Team and did not do justice to the efforts put in by the courageous Geordies.

Admittedly they played second fiddle to the classical overtures of the Martyrs but they didn’t deserve that result on paper.

But with some fine Tooning, Hanwell should get out of the relegation mire- they are too good to go down.

And as for the Play off positions- Dafydd Iwan says it best.

Yma O Hyd.

Boz