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On the line of Duty
Boz1964 Sun Jan 23, 2022 12:57 pm
‘On’ the line of duty
It has been nearly four months since I last had the pleasure of watching live football at Penydarren Park, through a combination of illness, coronavirus issues and a political game between the English & Welsh Governments called ‘Ducks & Drakefords’.
But it felt wonderful to be back in the stands with my family, to watch our young team of local heroes pitted against a much more experienced team from the Smoke.
And it was the most fitting of fixtures at the Met Coaches Stadium to welcome Met Coaches of a different kind (those of the Metropolitan Police) to our own blue-skied Valleys version of ‘Sun Hill’.
The Home Team had changed personnel dramatically since my last visit in August 2021, when I was treated to a wonderful masterclass from footballing magician, Ian Traylor & the sorcerer’s apprentice, Frazer Thomas, in which the pair mesmerised the Beaconsfield Defence in a 4-0 drubbing.
Now while I was in hospital, I had received reports that the Martyrs’ form had dipped somewhat, which was understandable given the fact that our present management team of Clarkie & Willo, had been forced to build a brand new team from scratch, with very limited Community Fan based resources and in competition with the Welsh Premier League, who were paying players big bucks, whilst playing matches in front of ghost stadiums.
So it was of little surprise to me, when the Met Police took an early lead inside three stadium minutes.
It came after a ‘parade ground’ move by the Met Police as they went, left, right, left, right, before a swift about turn from Archduke ‘Fans’ Ferdinand beat the despairing left hand of the Wizard Of Oz, Merthyr goalie Jaimie Colman.
He almost got his boomerang to it but the pace of the shot left the ball nestling in the corner of the net.
You would have assumed that the Home Players heads would have dropped but I can only assume they have become so used to it all season that conceding goals is like water off a Drakeford’s back.
With the Met Police lying in second and the Martyrs bottom of the table even former England & Arsenal footballer Paul Merson wouldn’t have had a bet on a home win.
The Town Players just 3G’d themselves down and got on with their natural game of attack, attack, attack.
Frazer Thomas showed he hadn’t lost any of his skill and did one early first half dummy that even Lord Charles & Ray Alan * would have been proud of.
(Boz note 1: Frazer Google it or ask your grandfather to explain it)
Ably supported by new number 6 Joshua Allen, who was determined to break down not just the walls of Jericho but the stubborn Met defence too.
Once he adjusts to the speed of the unnatural surface of the pitch will prove to be a creative genius and one of our best signings so Yate in the season.
Now the difference between second and bottom of the league is not just speed but the clinical finishing.
It is no good being the fastest gun in the West if you can’t shoot straight.
Added to the Bill on 24 minutes , came the second goal courtesy of a trademark Good Cop, Bad Cop move in which the first corner of the game saw Ollie Knight put the ball onto the head of Met Police Captain Ollie Robinson.
The speeding bullet of a header moved quicker than a Brazilian without a green card at a London Tube Station.
2-0 to the Met and signs of yet another home defeat looked ominous.
The third came ten minutes later, as the much vaunted seasoned goal machine Jack Mazzone used his swift movement and speed of thought to leave
‘our Yak at the Back’ looking like the Ever Given container ship stuck in the Suez Canal.
3-0 and poor Cogman must have felt like a third wheel, as he stood
‘on the Line of Duty’ waiting to make a save rather than pick the ball out of the back of the net.
Sportingly, there were no complaints from Cogman, as he retrieved a key to unlock the Met handcuffs that had mysteriously cuffed him to the near post.
Despite receiving a caution from the away Captain about ‘ you do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence etc’
Three chances for the Met Police, three goals all from point blank range and none of them the fault of the young keeper- for him to carry the Cann for in the Home dressing room.
Merthyr Town ‘s Spartans carried on the match as if it was still 0-0 seemingly unfazed by the fact they had bossed possession and played some lovely football without reward.
And then out of the ‘blue’ something strange happened.
Just like a migrant dinghy on the South Coast watching Nigel Farage’ staff car disappear from the shoreline- they were handed a lifeline.
Not by the ‘criminal’ RNLI but by referee, Thomas Staten*.
Proving that no man is an island*, the man in black pointed to the penalty spot for handball.
(Boz note2 -*A source of much liberty)
Apparently, the Met Police defender’s hand was in an unnatural position.
Away Team coach, Bob Cryer wasn’t happy - he complained that his player was only saluting his superior officer -his Captain- and was only following orders.
Staten was unconvinced…..the Peelers appeal was waived away.
A quick con-flab ensued with the Merthyr players uncertain as to who was the designated penalty taker, as they hadn’t been given a home penalty by a Southern League referee since they had a greyhound track in the 1950’s.
Number 9 Lewis Powell stepped up to take the kick.
He was grateful to have the space to breathe, as he had been followed around all day by more Met Police than a Sarah Everard vigil protester.
He was faced by Away keeper Liam Beach.
He stood with the Michael Barrymore choice:
Strike it Lucky *
( Boz Note 3- Frazer ask your Dad who he was after his ‘lucky strike winner’ against Cardiff City decades ago.)
Top
Middle
Or Bottom.
We all know which one Barrymore preferred but he sent the son of a Beach the wrong way and Merthyr were back in it at 3-1.
Cue much celebration in the David Miles Stand as the Twelfth Man started an impromptu COVID Conga line and partying the like even Downing Street has never seen.
The referee blew the halftime whistle.
Not surprisingly the Met Police refused to investigate the party as it was now in the past.
The youngsters came off to a rip roaring reception, which was amazing given the score line which did flatter the thin blue line somewhat.
Halftime came and went and I gazed longingly as fans passed my stand carrying plastic glasses of cider, which made me extremely jealous, as with bladder retention issues, I didn’t want to upset the apple cart or my catheter either.
It must have been the easiest interval team-talk for the Merthyr Management this season which probably went something like this:
‘Boys…we are 3-1 down and will be slaughtered on the ‘Only Fannies’ Forum whatever we do….go out there, enjoy it, get some experience for next season and make the real fans, volunteers and people actually brave enough to apply to join the Board and make them proud!’
And after Jeffrey Hurley had said his piece they went out and did just that.
In the immortal words of the late Jimmy Greaves- ‘It’s a game of two halves -or Arsenal Legend Tony Adams- It’s a game of fourteen pints- and Merthyr Town were first to the bar on all occasions.
The sensational debutant Karnell ‘Chambers’ hit the Met with both barrels and after a beautiful flowing move involving the ever busy Frazer Thomas and newly bearded Adam Davies, he left the Met Captain to collide with his own goalie -Robinson stranded on the Beach * -before filling the old onion bag with a ball and tears of joy.
*Boz note 4 : Frazer I refer you to writer Daniel Defoe
3-2 and with 37 minutes even Windsor Boy Andrew ( Formerly known as Prince) was sweating.
‘Jesus, Joseph, Mary and the Wee Donkey’ said Met Manager, Ted Hastings, as he decided to put on his first substitute AC12 ‘H’ for Hippolyte.
Hearing the confusion, Willo sent female physio and Merthyr sponsor Vicky McClure inside the away dugout to work undercover.
Hastings* sensing he had a battle *on his hands, sent on the smallest and youngest player ever to grace the Penydarren Park pitch.
*Boz note 5: 1066 and all that.
I assume he cannot play on pitches at Tiverton & Poole Town that have long sumptuous blades of grass.
The first ever player with the individual shirt sponsor ‘Esther Rantzen’s Child line’.
Despite his size the Met Police ‘Cadet’ wasn’t frightened to get stuck in and looked the most likely to thread the fatal pass through the slow running Merthyr defence as they pressed higher and higher as the game went on.
With Merthyr now ‘sucking on diesel’ there seemed only a matter of time before there was an unlikely equaliser,which in truth would not have been unjust.
But sadly the number of times weak goal bound efforts landed in the arms of Beach instead of the back of the net was a mystery.
Trips to the shooting range would help both Merthyr Town and Met Police in equal measures.
However, with a performance such as this, it will undoubtedly breed confidence and self-belief.
It ended with an away victory , no points for the home team but huge smiles on the faces of Keyon Refell’s two young sons waving proudly as their dad trooped off the pitch.
Priceless.
Fans happy with the effort on the pitch and a chance to see old friends.
It is not ALL about winning matches.
This is what I have missed most about non-league live football and our Club in particular.
Boz
It has been nearly four months since I last had the pleasure of watching live football at Penydarren Park, through a combination of illness, coronavirus issues and a political game between the English & Welsh Governments called ‘Ducks & Drakefords’.
But it felt wonderful to be back in the stands with my family, to watch our young team of local heroes pitted against a much more experienced team from the Smoke.
And it was the most fitting of fixtures at the Met Coaches Stadium to welcome Met Coaches of a different kind (those of the Metropolitan Police) to our own blue-skied Valleys version of ‘Sun Hill’.
The Home Team had changed personnel dramatically since my last visit in August 2021, when I was treated to a wonderful masterclass from footballing magician, Ian Traylor & the sorcerer’s apprentice, Frazer Thomas, in which the pair mesmerised the Beaconsfield Defence in a 4-0 drubbing.
Now while I was in hospital, I had received reports that the Martyrs’ form had dipped somewhat, which was understandable given the fact that our present management team of Clarkie & Willo, had been forced to build a brand new team from scratch, with very limited Community Fan based resources and in competition with the Welsh Premier League, who were paying players big bucks, whilst playing matches in front of ghost stadiums.
So it was of little surprise to me, when the Met Police took an early lead inside three stadium minutes.
It came after a ‘parade ground’ move by the Met Police as they went, left, right, left, right, before a swift about turn from Archduke ‘Fans’ Ferdinand beat the despairing left hand of the Wizard Of Oz, Merthyr goalie Jaimie Colman.
He almost got his boomerang to it but the pace of the shot left the ball nestling in the corner of the net.
You would have assumed that the Home Players heads would have dropped but I can only assume they have become so used to it all season that conceding goals is like water off a Drakeford’s back.
With the Met Police lying in second and the Martyrs bottom of the table even former England & Arsenal footballer Paul Merson wouldn’t have had a bet on a home win.
The Town Players just 3G’d themselves down and got on with their natural game of attack, attack, attack.
Frazer Thomas showed he hadn’t lost any of his skill and did one early first half dummy that even Lord Charles & Ray Alan * would have been proud of.
(Boz note 1: Frazer Google it or ask your grandfather to explain it)
Ably supported by new number 6 Joshua Allen, who was determined to break down not just the walls of Jericho but the stubborn Met defence too.
Once he adjusts to the speed of the unnatural surface of the pitch will prove to be a creative genius and one of our best signings so Yate in the season.
Now the difference between second and bottom of the league is not just speed but the clinical finishing.
It is no good being the fastest gun in the West if you can’t shoot straight.
Added to the Bill on 24 minutes , came the second goal courtesy of a trademark Good Cop, Bad Cop move in which the first corner of the game saw Ollie Knight put the ball onto the head of Met Police Captain Ollie Robinson.
The speeding bullet of a header moved quicker than a Brazilian without a green card at a London Tube Station.
2-0 to the Met and signs of yet another home defeat looked ominous.
The third came ten minutes later, as the much vaunted seasoned goal machine Jack Mazzone used his swift movement and speed of thought to leave
‘our Yak at the Back’ looking like the Ever Given container ship stuck in the Suez Canal.
3-0 and poor Cogman must have felt like a third wheel, as he stood
‘on the Line of Duty’ waiting to make a save rather than pick the ball out of the back of the net.
Sportingly, there were no complaints from Cogman, as he retrieved a key to unlock the Met handcuffs that had mysteriously cuffed him to the near post.
Despite receiving a caution from the away Captain about ‘ you do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence etc’
Three chances for the Met Police, three goals all from point blank range and none of them the fault of the young keeper- for him to carry the Cann for in the Home dressing room.
Merthyr Town ‘s Spartans carried on the match as if it was still 0-0 seemingly unfazed by the fact they had bossed possession and played some lovely football without reward.
And then out of the ‘blue’ something strange happened.
Just like a migrant dinghy on the South Coast watching Nigel Farage’ staff car disappear from the shoreline- they were handed a lifeline.
Not by the ‘criminal’ RNLI but by referee, Thomas Staten*.
Proving that no man is an island*, the man in black pointed to the penalty spot for handball.
(Boz note2 -*A source of much liberty)
Apparently, the Met Police defender’s hand was in an unnatural position.
Away Team coach, Bob Cryer wasn’t happy - he complained that his player was only saluting his superior officer -his Captain- and was only following orders.
Staten was unconvinced…..the Peelers appeal was waived away.
A quick con-flab ensued with the Merthyr players uncertain as to who was the designated penalty taker, as they hadn’t been given a home penalty by a Southern League referee since they had a greyhound track in the 1950’s.
Number 9 Lewis Powell stepped up to take the kick.
He was grateful to have the space to breathe, as he had been followed around all day by more Met Police than a Sarah Everard vigil protester.
He was faced by Away keeper Liam Beach.
He stood with the Michael Barrymore choice:
Strike it Lucky *
( Boz Note 3- Frazer ask your Dad who he was after his ‘lucky strike winner’ against Cardiff City decades ago.)
Top
Middle
Or Bottom.
We all know which one Barrymore preferred but he sent the son of a Beach the wrong way and Merthyr were back in it at 3-1.
Cue much celebration in the David Miles Stand as the Twelfth Man started an impromptu COVID Conga line and partying the like even Downing Street has never seen.
The referee blew the halftime whistle.
Not surprisingly the Met Police refused to investigate the party as it was now in the past.
The youngsters came off to a rip roaring reception, which was amazing given the score line which did flatter the thin blue line somewhat.
Halftime came and went and I gazed longingly as fans passed my stand carrying plastic glasses of cider, which made me extremely jealous, as with bladder retention issues, I didn’t want to upset the apple cart or my catheter either.
It must have been the easiest interval team-talk for the Merthyr Management this season which probably went something like this:
‘Boys…we are 3-1 down and will be slaughtered on the ‘Only Fannies’ Forum whatever we do….go out there, enjoy it, get some experience for next season and make the real fans, volunteers and people actually brave enough to apply to join the Board and make them proud!’
And after Jeffrey Hurley had said his piece they went out and did just that.
In the immortal words of the late Jimmy Greaves- ‘It’s a game of two halves -or Arsenal Legend Tony Adams- It’s a game of fourteen pints- and Merthyr Town were first to the bar on all occasions.
The sensational debutant Karnell ‘Chambers’ hit the Met with both barrels and after a beautiful flowing move involving the ever busy Frazer Thomas and newly bearded Adam Davies, he left the Met Captain to collide with his own goalie -Robinson stranded on the Beach * -before filling the old onion bag with a ball and tears of joy.
*Boz note 4 : Frazer I refer you to writer Daniel Defoe
3-2 and with 37 minutes even Windsor Boy Andrew ( Formerly known as Prince) was sweating.
‘Jesus, Joseph, Mary and the Wee Donkey’ said Met Manager, Ted Hastings, as he decided to put on his first substitute AC12 ‘H’ for Hippolyte.
Hearing the confusion, Willo sent female physio and Merthyr sponsor Vicky McClure inside the away dugout to work undercover.
Hastings* sensing he had a battle *on his hands, sent on the smallest and youngest player ever to grace the Penydarren Park pitch.
*Boz note 5: 1066 and all that.
I assume he cannot play on pitches at Tiverton & Poole Town that have long sumptuous blades of grass.
The first ever player with the individual shirt sponsor ‘Esther Rantzen’s Child line’.
Despite his size the Met Police ‘Cadet’ wasn’t frightened to get stuck in and looked the most likely to thread the fatal pass through the slow running Merthyr defence as they pressed higher and higher as the game went on.
With Merthyr now ‘sucking on diesel’ there seemed only a matter of time before there was an unlikely equaliser,which in truth would not have been unjust.
But sadly the number of times weak goal bound efforts landed in the arms of Beach instead of the back of the net was a mystery.
Trips to the shooting range would help both Merthyr Town and Met Police in equal measures.
However, with a performance such as this, it will undoubtedly breed confidence and self-belief.
It ended with an away victory , no points for the home team but huge smiles on the faces of Keyon Refell’s two young sons waving proudly as their dad trooped off the pitch.
Priceless.
Fans happy with the effort on the pitch and a chance to see old friends.
It is not ALL about winning matches.
This is what I have missed most about non-league live football and our Club in particular.
Boz
Boz1964- Posts : 2404
Join date : 2012-10-08
hirwaunman likes this post
Re: On the line of Duty
Taffia Mon Jan 24, 2022 4:12 am
Boz1964 wrote:‘On’ the line of duty
I have missed these reports, Boz. Glad you are OK.
Taffia- Posts : 160
Join date : 2013-07-16
Age : 70
Location : Tonyrefail
Boz1964 likes this post
Good one liners
Boz1964 Mon Jan 24, 2022 4:55 am
Thanks Taffia
Glad to hear it.
If I can bring as much joy to the fans as our players did on Saturday then I will be a happy man.
Boz
Glad to hear it.
If I can bring as much joy to the fans as our players did on Saturday then I will be a happy man.
Boz
Boz1964- Posts : 2404
Join date : 2012-10-08
Re: On the line of Duty
Bigbri Mon Jan 24, 2022 7:04 am
Welcome back Boz we have missed your reports of the games it beats some of the other topics on the forum long may you reign. 
Bigbri- Posts : 108
Join date : 2010-12-20
Location : Heolgerrig, Merthyr Tydfil
Boz1964 likes this post
Bigging it Up
Boz1964 Mon Jan 24, 2022 9:05 am
Thanks Bri
If nothing else it reminds us that the purpose of the match is to entertain.
Winning Cups and Leagues tastes all the more sweeter after a big drought.
I am only too relieved to be well enough again after four months of pain to produce a report to cheer our season up.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Boz
If nothing else it reminds us that the purpose of the match is to entertain.
Winning Cups and Leagues tastes all the more sweeter after a big drought.
I am only too relieved to be well enough again after four months of pain to produce a report to cheer our season up.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Boz
Last edited by Boz1964 on Mon Jan 24, 2022 9:05 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Typo)
Boz1964- Posts : 2404
Join date : 2012-10-08
hirwaunman and OWNES1 like this post
Re: On the line of Duty
OWNES1 Mon Jan 24, 2022 9:39 am
Send this one to Jonny Owen Boz. I am sure they will both enjoy it. Also Jed Mecurio and you might end up writing the next script.
OWNES1- Posts : 229
Join date : 2013-04-02
Age : 62
Location : MERTHYR TYDFIL
Boz1964 likes this post
On the line of Duty
Boz1964 Mon Jan 24, 2022 9:52 am
After the ending of the last series I can’t see there being a further one- possibly a Northern Ireland Prequel.
Would be hard to do and a pain the Arse but….
They could call it ‘Preparation H’?
Boz
Would be hard to do and a pain the Arse but….
They could call it ‘Preparation H’?
Boz
Boz1964- Posts : 2404
Join date : 2012-10-08
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