The Great British Bale Off

The Great British Bake Off

When was the last time the mercury hit 33% degrees on a Bank Holiday in Merthyr Tydfil?

Probably when Charboniers Night Club at the Old Miners Hall, burnt down in suspicious circumstances  in 1992.

So sunglasses and factor 30 sun-creme was the order of the day on a very hot playing surface at Penydarren Park, for the players of Merthyr Town FC.

But it wasn’t just Merthyr that was busy baking this week, as our long term friends at the only football club in Swindon -Supermarine- brought down their lovely ladies, Delia Smith, Nigella Lawson and Diana Dors together with their homemade cakes to be swapped for Welsh ones, in an international trade deal that Boris Trump would kill for.

If Prue Leith is capable of saving the NHS patients with her cooking, what could these five star Swindonites achieve for World Peace?

However, after eating their wonderful but calorific bread pudding, I may have to do more than a few laps of the Magic Roundabout in Swindon for the Away leg on New Year ‘s Day.

Now today at Merthyr, was all about honouring our most famous manager, the delightful Lyn Jones.

The term ‘gentleman’ was invented for our Lyn.

Like the aforementioned Sweetish Chefs of Swindon, he created a magic recipe out of Non-League football ingredients during the late 1980’s and turned the then Merthyr Tydfil side into one of greatest teams around.

No-one would Wager against them or bet against Ceri Williams on his own version of the post match cross bar challenge.

More of a Quiet Man than John Wayne, Jones, ably backed off the field by Chairman John Reddy, turned the soccer spotlight onto our little Valleys Town like never before.

If this is to be his Tutankhamen moment then so be it, when one day, a little seven year old future Kerry Morgan School of football starlet asks his Grandfather ‘Who was Lyn Jones?’

It will a proud Welshman, who will able to ‘relate’ the Atalanta story and tell his descendant to ‘goggle ’ it on Facetube or Twitterbook, so that the youngster does not even have to look up from his mobile phone during the live football match.

But whilst Lyn Jones deserves a stand to be named after him for such remarkable (against all odds ) achievements, we should also remember other unsung volunteer heroes like our Nigel Bowen.

Fans like him, that make the two hour round trip every Home match from Bristol, just so they can man the turnstiles and ensure that our Club that has to be run on a shoestring, can make ends meet.

The man has more dedication than record-breakers presenter Roy Castle.

The left hand kiosk will never be the same, now he has finally hung up his fake beard.

I suggest it be known hereafter as ‘Santa’s Grotto’.

But community heroes like Lyn Jones and Nigel Bowen, get their reward from watching local talent shine on the artificial pitch, unlike some other Merthyr people who get a real buzz from their homegrown on the grass.

And today, not for the first time it was Ian Traylor, who lit up the faces of the Merthyr Faithful and turned a beautiful August Bank Holiday into a wonderful one with his deadly finishing.

Consistently, season after season the Cynon Valley marksman has hit the back of the net more than the Japanese Trawling Fleet.

It must be very disconcerting for Away keepers to realise that with one hypnotic flash of a leg tattoo and they will be picking the ball out of their net- the dream of a clean sheet over for another week.

He got yet another brace today, but he can thank his teammate for his second goal, after Jamie Veale’s Stade Francais coloured boot played the assist of the season with a perfectly placed ball over the last defender to set him up for a shot on goal.

Traylor still had a lot to do ,but one on one he is deadly and is one of the few remaining finishers in our side that doesn’t have a season ticket in the casualty department.

But whilst Ian Traylor’s goals are always a pleasure to watch, the best goal of the day came from Lee Lucas.

After the only first half move of quality, the ball was moved Barca style through midfield, finally resulting in a Strike that not even British Airways could stop, which put the Welshmen into the ascendancy.

Upfront for Marine, the normally dangerous Swindon Poet Conor McDonagh and our usual nemesis Ex-Martyr Stuart Fleetwood were ably shackled by a resolute Merthyr defence with Patten the Back, very deserving of a collective one.

It was fitting that the Swindon Supermarine attacks were limited to ‘The Few’, as the Great Westerners ran out of ‘steam’.

As Ownes remarked with the quip of the day ‘He looks more wood than Fleet’ he was substituted to the biggest cheer of the day from the Onanist * Bank.

( *Ownes -Your word of the week )

With a five man defence, including three centre halves on show and injuries to the Big Six ( Wasn’t that a Judge Dread Reggae song in the1970’s ?) my initial reservations were to prove groundless, just like Coventry City, but a 3-1 home win was a result that no one at the Met Coaches Stadium, except spiritualist medium Nataly Churchill saw coming.

Substitute Simpson Kane, who looked more than Abel, got one back for Marine and started to change the complexion of the game, as he was far more mobile than Fleetwood ( but then again has played for 49 less clubs than the much travelled striker) but fortunately the day belonged to Lyn Jones’ Martyrs.

Swindon Manager Lee Spalding was tearing his remaining hair out ( think about it Ownes) and demanded a steward’s  inquiry into the water break immediately preceding the opening goal, as the thunderbolt from Lee was a little too perfect.

The muscles in his legs looked like that of a Russian Female Olympic Shot-putter.

After all,  his individual bottle was marked Lucas aide but all the others-Lucozade.

In the end, a 3-1 victory for Merthyr was justified, given the performance of Ian Traylor, who has in recent weeks been more on fire than the Amazon Rainforest.

Let’s hope Traylor’s hot-streak and the Great British Bale On continues for many more years.

Boz

A slightly less bearded pard is still available on the right hand side. Love the Onanist comment. Haven't heard or seen that word for years.

Got,it. I didn't think Fleetwood was that bad. Hope he doesn't litigate,small word big meaning.