An Away Wim

An Away Wim

In the Cuthbury, the Mighty Cuthbury , the Lino sleeps tonight.

No - this was not the one of the songs from the 1980s CD played non-stop on the Bennettorial Army bus, as it wound its way around the minor B and A roads of Summerzet & Wessex towards Wimborne yesterday - but it should have been.

To sounds of 'pop' music, that should have remained in the bargain bin at the service station, the coach sailed on to cries of 'Goldah' from Charlotte Church & Co up the back of the bus as awful songs never likely to feature on 'desert island discs' were played at high volume, as the bus headed for Thomas Hardy country at a top speed of 40mph.

It was lucky that my 82 year old Uncle GGGGranville, didn't have a machine gun or there would have been another 'Spandau Ballet' aimed at the offending CD aperture which had been 'open all hours'.

3 and a half hours of listening to 'Hit me with your Rhythm Stick' obviously does induce subliminal messaging.

But the Merthyr bus wasn't exactly a 'tight fit' , even when at the Risca Layby , we picked up a couple of strays in the form of the 'the Roving Sheep- Willem de friend- and Gordon Banks Senior- both beautifully attired - who had the appearance of escapees from the 'Drovers Return' pub , clad in their 'Woolley jumpers' - one was natural , the other man made...

Now up to its full compliment of characters, including the 're'cycled' Dai -Version version of St Nicholas , together with a number of Christmas jumpers which were evidence that Rheola Market has survived its recent location switch, the bus sailed on at 35 MPH and Super Fan Simon eating at 40MPH.

When we met at the Cuthbury, we were greeted by a first class VIP tour of the Stadium and its facilities by the hardworking volunteers at the club- who mistook us non X-Mas jumper wearers in amongst our band of nutters for club officials - the Wimborne Identity?- I was directed to the barbecue stand at the Cowgrove where I was to find solace in a REAL beef burger (I assume that is where all the cows went) from the real Big Mac seller.

It was worth risking CJD for - as the McCabe beef burger was far superior to the American monopoly chain 'global warming' version.

It deserves a recommendation on cooking programmes Ready Steady Cow-k or MasterBeef.

My Uncle GGGGranville was still trying to get the offensive Boy George out of his ears, as we sat in the Wessex Winter Wonderland with a beer , burger and bun- eating a Hardy lunch of alliteration (Thomas that is) .

As I passed some of their fans it was not hard to see that Non-League football whatever part of the Country you hail from possesses it's fair share of nutters...and not the kind that pick hazels...I passed one local chap , who looked like an extra from the Pirates of Penzance ( yes , I know it is the WRONG county..but it was the WRONG outfit too) who introduced himself as the local Town Cryer.

He was soon to be heard crying , as our regular scorer 'Jarrad ,Jarrad, Wright' pop up with another vital goal.

It was a bit of a scramble following the rebound from a fine save by their keeper, Harvell, and there was a whiff of possible offside but the goal stood- as the officials were caught napping.

In essence - the Lino sleeps tonight?

As the sounds of oh yea turned to oh nea....I am sure I could hear a clump , as his wooden leg fell off and his parrot deserted him for one of the many oak trees that act as impromptu ball netting on the far side of the pitch.

In the game itself, Matthew Harris made sure that any danger was snuffed out before it got passed the 'sandbar' that doubled for the centre circle and pitch line.

The footballing equivalent of the NASA location finder , Gavin Williams, was in fine form , as he sprayed the ball forward on the narrow , sloping, uneven former cow pasture that doubled as the pitch.

His 'Sat Gav' boots were programmed to find the giant stride of Olympic sprinter Corey Jenkins or the Dark Destroyer up front for the Martyrs.

The only one he had trouble locating from his perch behind the 'Great Barrier Reef' , was of course , our missing midfield Ryan Newman- even if he was listed in the Wimborne Town Programme...Finding Newmo?

Ian Traylor was his usual tantalising self.

I am sure their left back must think he played against 'Jake the Pegg' as he was subjected to 90 minutes of a personal spot the ball competition from the Cynon Valley cruise missile.

Wimborne , in fairness were a decent side and tried hard to play football on a difficult pitch.

On a better surface I think they would have caused us more problems, as Gilo saved us on at least two occasions with excellent saves- one very low to his right- (which I could not even have saved if I was in a chair) and a full body block to deny a certain goal.

I sincerely hope Jenko, Willo & Barry the Ball, use the wisdom of the Magi, and give him a belated Christmas present and let him continue in goal for Boxing Day at least.

Competition for places is healthy and let's get a Clemence/Shilton thing going in goal.

Wimborne tried hard to break us down and have a decent back line to contend with- their number 6 being the pick of their bunch for me, clearing off the line a fine Traylor lob that was postcoded for the Wimborne net.

The unlucky magpies were put out of their misery by our Handy Cole- our lethal weapon- who blasted the ball into the net from a narrow angle to put the game out of the reach of the Dorsetites.

Goal King Cole made some merry old souls behind the goal very happy.

One for sorrow two for joy.

I think , in fairness, we did play the better football and deserved the three points as Cutlan looked capable of 'keeping' a clean sheet all day - well until the cows came home that is.

A great day out, watching Bennett testing the coach springs with his 'pogo' to the punk music that destroyed the remainder of my aged uncles remaining hearing on the way home.

'Never mind the bollocks' more vital away points and our rivals stuttering to draws.

In the words of 'Shakin Stevens'....Merry Christmas everyone.


Boz

Boz1964 wrote:  An Away Wim

In the Cuthbury, the Mighty Cuthbury , the Lino sleeps tonight.

No - this was not the one of the songs from the 1980s CD played non-stop on the Bennettorial Army bus,  as it wound its way around the minor B and A roads of Summerzet & Wessex towards Wimborne yesterday - but it should have been.

To sounds of 'pop' music,  that should have remained in the bargain bin at the service station, the coach sailed on to cries of 'Goldah' from Charlotte Church & Co up the back of the bus as awful songs never likely to feature on 'desert island discs' were played at high volume, as the bus headed for Thomas Hardy country at a top speed of 40mph.

It was lucky that my 82 year old Uncle GGGGranville,  didn't have a machine gun or there would have been another 'Spandau Ballet' aimed at the offending CD aperture which had been 'open all hours'.

3 and a half hours of listening to 'Hit me with your Rhythm Stick' obviously does induce subliminal messaging.

But the Merthyr bus wasn't exactly a 'tight fit' , even when at the Risca Layby , we picked up a couple of strays in the form of the 'the Roving Sheep- Willem de friend- and Gordon Banks Senior- both beautifully attired - who had the appearance of escapees from the 'Drovers Return' pub , clad in their 'Woolley jumpers' - one was natural , the other man made...

Now up to its full compliment of characters, including the 're'cycled' Dai -Version version of St Nicholas , together with a number of Christmas jumpers which were evidence that Rheola Market has survived its recent location switch, the bus sailed on at 35 MPH and Super Fan Simon eating at 40MPH.

When we met at the Cuthbury, we were greeted by a first class VIP tour of the Stadium and its facilities by the hardworking volunteers at the club- who mistook us non X-Mas  jumper wearers in amongst our band of nutters for club officials - the Wimborne Identity?- I was directed to the barbecue stand at the Cowgrove where I was to find solace in a REAL beef burger (I assume that is where all the cows went) from the real Big Mac seller.

It was worth risking CJD for - as the McCabe beef burger was far superior to the American monopoly chain 'global warming' version.

It deserves a recommendation on cooking programmes Ready Steady Cow-k or MasterBeef.

My Uncle GGGGranville was still trying to get the offensive Boy George out of his ears, as we sat in the Wessex Winter Wonderland with a beer , burger and bun- eating a Hardy lunch of alliteration  (Thomas that is) .

As I passed some of their fans it was not hard to see that Non-League football whatever part of the Country you hail from possesses it's fair share of nutters...and not the kind that pick hazels...I passed one local chap , who looked like an extra from the Pirates of Penzance ( yes , I know it is the WRONG county..but it was the WRONG outfit too) who introduced himself as the local Town Cryer.

He was soon to be heard crying , as our regular scorer 'Jarrad ,Jarrad, Wright' pop up with another vital goal.

It was a bit of a scramble following the rebound from a fine save by their keeper, Harvell, and there was a whiff of possible offside but the goal stood- as the officials were caught napping.

In essence - the Lino sleeps tonight?

As the sounds of oh yea turned to oh nea....I am sure I could hear a clump , as his wooden leg fell off and his parrot deserted him for one of the many oak trees that act as impromptu ball netting on the far side of the pitch.

In the game itself, Matthew Harris made sure that any danger was snuffed out before it got passed the 'sandbar' that doubled for the centre circle and pitch line.

The footballing equivalent of the NASA location finder , Gavin Williams, was in fine form , as he sprayed the ball forward on the narrow , sloping,  uneven former cow pasture that doubled as the pitch.

His 'Sat Gav' boots were programmed to find the giant stride of Olympic sprinter Corey Jenkins or the Dark Destroyer up front for the Martyrs.

The only one he had trouble locating from his perch behind the 'Great Barrier Reef' , was of course , our missing midfield Ryan Newman- even if he was listed in the Wimborne Town Programme...Finding Newmo?

Ian Traylor  was his usual tantalising self.

I am sure their left back must think he played against 'Jake the Pegg' as he was subjected to 90 minutes of a personal spot the ball competition from the Cynon Valley cruise missile.

Wimborne , in fairness were a decent side and tried hard to play football on a difficult pitch.

On a better surface I think they would have caused us more problems, as Gilo saved us on at least two occasions with excellent saves- one very low to his right- (which I could not even have saved if I was in a chair) and a full body block to deny a certain goal.

I sincerely hope Jenko, Willo & Barry the Ball, use the wisdom of the Magi, and give him a belated Christmas present and let him continue in goal for Boxing Day at least.

Competition for places is healthy and let's get a Clemence/Shilton thing going in goal.

Wimborne tried hard to break us down and have a decent back line to contend with- their number 6 being the pick of their bunch for me, clearing off the line a fine Traylor lob that was postcoded for the Wimborne net.

The unlucky magpies were put out of their misery by our Handy Cole- our lethal weapon- who blasted the ball into the net from a narrow angle to put the game out of the reach of the Dorsetites.

Goal King Cole made some merry old souls behind the goal very happy.

One for sorrow two for joy.

I think , in fairness, we did play the better football and deserved the three points as Cutlan looked capable of 'keeping' a clean sheet all day - well until the cows came home that is.

A great day out, watching Bennett testing the coach springs with his 'pogo' to the punk music that destroyed the remainder of my aged uncles remaining hearing on the way home.

'Never mind the bollocks'  more vital away points and our rivals stuttering to draws.

In the words of 'Shakin Stevens'....Merry Christmas everyone.


Boz

As usual Boz a write up suiting an author and a published novelist. What a write up forums up and down the country put some mundane match report but we are blessed with reports on a bardic masterpiece and all encompassing in the Boz style. Keep up the good work. PS I thought I was in a time machine bus Saturday 80s classics all the way! Get some Nat Cole or Bing Crosby for Granville next time after all he is er......82 I mean 81 years young! Up the town

It is a report even Trundle would be proud of.....Boz

That was a bit of a tight fit.