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Weston Super Nightmare

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Post  Boz1964 Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:11 pm

Weston Super Nightmare

When does three points become one?

The simple answer is when Merthyr Town FC are leading 1-0 with seconds left on the clock.

If only the most famous Merthyr Statistician hadn’t emigrated to Lincoln, then the Merthyr Imp could have confirmed this strange coincidence that seems to happen at Penydarren Park with increased regularity.

Do you put it down to player nerves, fan pressure or more sinister workings afoot?.

Now not being a conspiracy theorist, I believe without doubt that the Americans landed on the moon in 1969, that JFK was shot solely by Lee Harvey Oswald and that Jeffrey Epstein hung himself and then afterwards wrote his suicide note, but I am beginning to think there is something strange in the Footballing World, when 96th minute penalties are given persistently against Merthyr Town.

On a conspiratorial basis perhaps that is the alternative reason why we are called the Martyrs?

Now the only real answer to this issue is to make sure that we lead teams by two goals in the closing stages and have more shots on target than the three we managed all last night.

Yes, a lot of it was down to an injury disrupted team yet again, but the fact was last night was a West on West Super ‘Mare’ from both sides.

On the evidence of this performance, neither side look likely to set the Evostik Premier League alight with their scintillating football.

If referee Ronald McDonald had not given that debatable penalty in Ferguson time then I really feel that even with a further 24 hours, the Away Team would still be looking for an ‘opening’.

That is despite the omnipresence of the McDonalds sponsored Weston striker Nick McCootie.

Big Mc, some older fans will remember was the ‘Clever Burger’ that scored a brace against us to win Paulton Rovers the play-off a few seasons back.

Whilst he may have lost his pace a little, he is still more solid than the Weston Super Mare Sea Wall.

If I was an excited schoolboy chasing Mo Salah’s car, I would rather run into a lamppost than Big Mc.

And it was testament to the powerhouse defending of Jarrad ‘Rhondda Mountain Man’ Wright and Newport’s Kyle Patten that they completely quietened
the ‘Lord of the Fries’

So much so, that they had him in a McFlurry, with him being forced to drop deeper and deeper back into midfield where Captain Marble was waiting for him.

If you ever wanted to see a Welsh Corgi rounding up cattle -Penydarren Park was the place last night.

Despite giving away about 3 feet in height and 6 stone in weight, our fearless Captain worried both of the big forward’s ankles and shouted ‘Timber’ every time the McGiant fell slowly to the floor.

Whilst the Merthyr Town midfield had some bite, it was the Weston defence that were no “pushovers’.

Ask Owain Jones, as he had to take more cheap shots in the back than the Conservative Party front bench.

With the number 2 and 3 looking like escapees from Clifton Zoo, they played shove Halfpenny with Jones more than if he had been a Welsh Rugby Fullback.

In the end he finished the game as a half back.

But I can only assume he had his shutters down, as Referee Ronald McDonald astonishingly didn’t see any of them, offering poor Tulio less protection than a hedgehog’s condom.

With our shot shy strike force being forced to chase more long balls than Peter Crouch’s Cocker Spaniel, the Seagulls grew in confidence and started to believe there was more to pinch from the Valleys than just the odd chip.

Having beaten local rivals Kentucky FC to the signing of two new crispy ‘wingers’ in the Summer in 99p transfer deals, Weston started to ‘supersize’ possession, forcing the Merthyr Management to order the Merthyr lads to get forward and try and get into the ‘Bonus Box’ of the Somerset outfit.

On 70 minutes, with the first real Home attack of the game, the ball fell to Ian Traylor just outside the penalty area.

It resulted in the usual combo.

Traylor Drive-Thru - ball - back of the net....duh duh duh duh...I’m loving it...

The only side order was that from the disgruntled referee not to make too much of a ‘Happy Meal’ out of it or he would get his just ‘desserts’.

Weston then responded by bringing on the hairiest player ever seen at Penydarren Park.

He was one down from Cousin It in the Addams Family.

I checked the Twilight sky and it was definitely a full moon.

Clearly brought on as a dead ball specialist, he was the first one over to check on carrot haired Hereford loanee Rhys Davies and his ginger nuts, after one low blow caught the player right in the love spuds.

That tackle really took the biscuit.

Up until then Davies had really impressed looking like he could perform at a high level.

After that blow to the nether regions he could sing much higher too.

And then in extra, extra time that VAR(mint) declared that there was a handball in the area and pointed at Eunuch Davies and then the spot.

If I was Davies, after that earlier nutcracker , I would have protected my nearest and dearest too.

Bollocks to the goal.

The resultant penalty was dispatched high into the left hand corner of the net by Weston’s Scott Laird to send the travelling Wurzels into raptures.

The purple rinsed Weston brigade celebrated by drinking up thy zider.

Once they had stopped Morris dancing, I asked one of the local Weston fans if it was a genuine penalty.

He replied ....’Yes...it definitely was and I would swear on oath ....otherwise my name is not Jeffrey Archer - the other Weston Peer’

The game ended in a draw that in reality neither side deserved to win or lose...so a point apiece was just about right on the night.

The star of the show, Referee Ronald McDonald, after giving the ‘key’ to the game was last spotted driving a brand new combine harvester down the A470, towards his new holiday home in Weston Super Mare.

I hope he has sweet dreams.

After that late penalty decision, normally super smiley Merthyr Fan Simon (still missing his front teeth) and I both now had a face down to the Weston floor.

And I am still having Weston Super Nightmares since.

Boz



Boz1964
Boz1964

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Post  Tim Drummond Thu Aug 15, 2019 6:04 am

I did mention to McCootie after the game that he hadn't scored. He said:"I did last time I was here, I scored two, in fact." I said Yes, that was what I was referring to!
Well, he did OK after helping Paulton Rovers overcome Merthyr in the play-offs, playing for Bath City and then Chippenham Town.
I agree with Boz that Merthyr didn't get many shots at goal whereas Weston shot on sight,although mainly with wide attempts early on but when they pressed at times in the second half, Merthyr goalkeeper Harris pulled off fine saves.

Tim Drummond

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