The Peny hasn’t”t dropped

The Peny hasn’t dropped.

There is no doubt in my mind that the Welsh Valleys are a hotbed of footballing talent, with Merthyr Tydfil especially so.

Tonight saw Merthyr Town host their near-neighbours, Penydarren Boys & Girls Club in a ‘friendly’ derby match.

In the middle of a rare Welsh heatwave,  it was a credit that both teams could play quality attacking football in an environment more suited to Mars rather then Planet Earth.

It was the Away side that started brighter with Pen forwards Brogden and the Imam Bearded Chris Colvin producing some flowing moves that even Mohammed would have been proud of- as the pair declared Jihad on the Merthyr Tydfil defence straight from the off but sadly were unable to ‘prophet’.

Unluckily for Pen, they came up against an in-form Cameron Clarke, who was determined to keep a clean sheet and have a ‘tally ban’ on any away goals.

For the first half n hour, the Penydarren Lads were more than holding their own against a Home Team several divisions higher in ranking, with their defensive pair of Lloyd & Gibbons looking meaner than a Conservative Chancellor of the Exchequer Post-Brexit.

One high leap from Lloyd not only reminded Kerry Morgan he was around, but made sure he knew who was boss in the air.

It took an Achilles injury to Corey Jenkins’ ankle to force a reshuffle of the Town pack and with the speedster limping off and having to use the remains of the last Polar Icecap on his swollen foot- he is unlikely to forget his encounter with the Penydarren Boys.

Whilst not being into philately, he was added to the Gibbons Stamp Collection, as a Peny Red, which will turn into a Peny Black this time tomorrow.

With local product Adam Lewis running the midfield, with the longest legs ever seen at Penydarren Park (and that includes Carlton Palmer and 300 crane flies ) beating his chest and declaring ‘ Who’s the Daddy’ ....it was hard for returning Captain Marble, Ashley Evans to build up his usual dominance and ball monopoly.

And then the game turned on one decision which broke the resilience of the Bont Bovver Boys.

It was a handball near the left hand penalty area and was more blatant than the Vinnie Jones nut cruncher on poor Paul Gascoigne.

Kerry Morgan took a leaf out of ‘Bing Crosby’ and sent it ‘straight down the middle’.

There was a little doubt that the superb Away keeper had stopped it crossing the line, but in the end - it was given by the linesman- and we all know from experience that linesmen never make mistakes at Penydarren Park (not since Dai Delaney retired that is).

1-0 to the Martyrs, but Midnight’s Children were at this point still in the game and despite playing in heat that could melt a Virgin Train or boil a monkey’s bum, they surged forward and almost got an equaliser from the sure-footed Brogden.

Penydarren were really good at closing down the opposition and retrieving the ball, but then again what do you expect, after all they are based next to the Bont recycling centre.

Disaster then struck after the previously immaculate Lloyd, scythed down Jamie Veale, taking out both of his ‘calves’, in a tackle more reminiscent of Boris Johnson playing for England against West Germany.

There was no longer any ‘friendly’.

Kerry Morgan dispatched the second with aplomb, which was amazing as he had spent most of the day with over 60 schoolchildren in Summer Football Club at the 3G.

How he had enough energy to play a half of football in desert conditions I don’t know ...I think it is time we plugged him into the National Grid.

The second goal killed off the Welsh League outfit and sadly due to the Saharan heat and fitness and the introduction of some Senior players, the Boys Club was now being pressed back by ‘Dads Army’ with damage limitation their only concern- after an impressive first half performance that drew much attention from the sidelines.

One talent scout was watching the Penydarren Boys Club right back, but was warned by the Management ‘don’t tell him your name Pike’.

As soon as the right back and especially when Gibbons was withdrawn, then Penydarren looked to lose cohesion- as he seemed to be all over the pitch ( but then again I am told that philately does get you everywhere (groan)).

Goal 3 came from the ever reliable Kieron Lewis after a sweeping move in midfield ( his best position) and even the Holy Beard Ryan Prosser got in on the goal fest after he was fed by his new strike partner Gethyn Hill.

The attack force was now more of a handful , more powerful and clinical.

I am sure the central defensive partnership of Lloyd & Gibbons will benefit from this experience - as they are unlikely at their current level to face the footballing equivalent of the Terminator and the T1000 again this season.

Hill got the fifth as he danced his way through the tired replacement Pen defence who tried desperately to ‘Uppa’ Pen’d the goal machine.

Exciting times for Merthyr Town fans once again with this pairing at Penydarren Park  likely to be the best since Cob n Chips was invented by Les in the Holvey Cafe.

Finally, a mention for both keepers who made excellent saves, three in particular for the Away Team - which only God could have got to and were applauded by both sets of fans and his own Penydarren Strike force.

Or in Colvin’s words- Allah be praised.

And the best on the night being the one handed reflex ‘Acer’ from Cameron Clarke from ASA Lloyd which had goal written all over it.

It was so fast that not even the Same Old Smith’s ‘Cam’ could catch it.

A real bruising encounter but great entertainment for the Boys Club fans and their multitude of prams and good value for our remaining pennies.

And it was not a case of the Peny standard dropping but that the Merthyr squad has vastly improved from last year.

Unlike our holiday penny - post Brexit -which is now worthless.


Boz