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An Harrow Escape?

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Post  Boz1964 Sat Mar 09, 2019 4:35 pm

An Harrow Escape

At this time of the year in the Barclays Premiership, it is what Alex Ferguson famously described as 'squeaky bum' time, as teams really discover who has the 'minerals' to win the league.

However, squeaky bum time in the Evostik Southern Premier League or even at Harrow Old Boys School, has a completely different connotation.

Now is the time when our minnow clubs look nervously at their cash flow and balance sheets and see if they can afford to compete for another season or risk financial ruin by getting promoted to a higher league.

Harrow famously twice rejected the chance to join the Football Conference for the same reason.

The threat of winning too many games and with it automatic promotion gives many a
Non-League treasurer sleepless nights and adds a new meaning to 'reverse fixtures'.

Now unless your Board contains names like Tate & Lyle or Shirley Crabtree, then you are unlikely to have a Sugar Daddy and with it the ability to bankroll a promotion or two.

Now every team finds its level ( especially in Somerset) and this current league is where Merthyr Town belong.

The porridge here is not too cold or not too hot but just right.

But the big question is (just like an Ethiopian school kid carrying home their homework on their head) even at this level , can we balance the books?

Our opponents today, Harrow Borough can count in amongst their famous sons several Prime Ministers amongst their ranks and alumni- so if they can't afford to progress what chance does a football team from a poor mining town which has suffered nearly 200 years of recession?.

What chance?

Take a leaf out of Ian Traylor's book.

Our lethal marksman only needs one chance and the ball ends up in the back of the Harrow Borough net.

After the dourest first half I have seen this season, against a reputed top five placed team that looked more ordinary than a John Major suit, the Greater London side trooped off the pitch with this statistic: One Attack, One Shot, One Goal to the good.

Merthyr on the other hand had had less shots on target than David Blunkett clay pigeon shooting.

Or to put it another way,  less shots than the JFK Dallas cavalcade.

As an entertainment spectacle, I questioned why I had bothered crawling under the hole in the perimeter fence for this.

There was a further complication too, as I was taping the Scotland V Wales Six Nation's Game and it was like an episode of the Likely Lads 'trying' to avoid hearing the score and spoiling the match for later.

It was no fun for the players either, as there was a colder wind at the Met Coaches Penydarren Park Stadium than a polar bear fart.

The only comic thing on display was the referee, formerly known as Mr Burns for his famous lamb chop sideburns displayed earlier this season which he had hired like a prop from the Victoria and Albert Museum.

But he can come incognito if he wants but he cannot disguise those Mister Men arms he possesses.

I have yet to see a person whose arms are so out of proportion to their body and legs.

He is the only official who can point to the penalty spot from the other half of the pitch, whilst wearing fifteen wristwatches on just one arm.

The only official who can tie his shoelaces standing up without bending his legs.

Talk about the long arm of the law.

And point to the penalty spot he should have done with little more than five minutes on the stadium clock as Ian Traylor was wrestled to the floor by defender Stone Cold Steve Austin, who marked the Merthyr winger closer than a tandem parachute skydiver.

The first twenty or so minutes had Harrow more under the cosh than an angry Liam Neeson, but their final product was complete Ratner.

Harrow goalkeeper Hafed Al-Duoubi may as well have stayed on the bus and had a warm -such was his involvement.

It took over half an hour too before the Merthyr keeper, Lewis 'SpiderBoy' Webb was called upon and that was to pick the ball out from the net behind him.

It looked like he was unsighted, as Harrow midfielder Pepera sneezed his chance and beat full back midfielder Keiran Lewis before burying the ball passed the teenage keeper for the opener.

However, being unsighted can be no excuse when you have eight eyes or even if you claim it
hit a 'tuffet'.

So Harrow went into the interval a goal to the good and I avoided the Rugby scoreline in the same fashion most Merthyr Fans avoid buying a programme or a 50/50 ticket.

The second half saw a different more determined Home Team emerge from the tunnel and it didn't take long for Town to get back on level terms.

These days it seems like we have only one player who has the ability to add his name to the scoresheet with any regularly and that is the Cynon Valley craftsman Ian Traylor.

And he could have made it a brace but instead unselfishly put the ball on a plate for his strike partner , Holy Beard-the Ryan Prosser-who was thwarted by the much quicker beard of full back Josh Andrew.

Now I am proud to read that Harrow now boasts a wonderful cosmopolitan community with such a diverse population and  'melting pot'  that 1960's pop band Blue Mink sang about,
but if I hadn't 'witnessed' it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed that Harrow was fielding an Amish full back.

Next time someone tells you that men can't multitask, remind them that there is a talented Harrow footballer who not only can tackle, sprint and cross but can do so whilst growing an Amazonian rainforest beard capable of supporting its own ecosystem.

But he wasn't the only Harrovian to shine.

Number 10 Michael Bryan was running the game in the middle of the park- in the absence of our missing Captain Marble who was reputed to be suffering concussion.

Let's hope Labour Spin Doctor, Alastair Campbell declares him fit to play soon.

That'll teach him to catch the ball in the Atherstone Pancake Day Football Riot.

But try as they might neither side could add to their scores, despite the introduction and return of the Prodigal Son, Kerry Morgan, who injected guile and pace to an otherwise impotent attack.

With Matthew 'Mattie'  Harris joining Dean 'Dino' Clarke, Steve 'Willo' Williams and
Hugh 'Bunny' Hefner in the 300 Club (They can all Playboy) alongside the outstanding svelte-like Jarrad Wright then there was no fear the Londoners would get a second.

Besides which the Rhondda Man Mountain looks as if he has been on the Karen Carpenter diet as before our colossus, who was so solid both at the back AND the front, has transformed from Maerdy Mountain into Ffos Y Fran and headed more balls than an thirsty dwarf in a packed pub.

But a draw does neither side any good in a push for promotion unless of course you want to stay in the black at the bank.

In the end, the Home Side finished stronger and the Borough were lucky to escape back
to 'the Smoke' with a point.

For them it had been an Harrow Escape and perhaps for us too.

Boz


Last edited by Boz1964 on Sun Mar 10, 2019 3:00 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Straight jacket on too tight)
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Post  martyrmark Sun Mar 10, 2019 3:09 pm

Getting fed up of hearing that ‘we can’t afford to
get promoted.’ Paying my £12 at the gate, plus
spending more for a few extras during the game, is
not going to get us in a higher division granted, but
reading negative comments on the forum, will surely
turn people away. Every club, whatever sport it’s in
has ambition and aims to do its best. Did we ever think
in the late 80’s that we couldn’t afford a few promotions
and compete in the Conference? No, we just enjoyed
every minute of it. We have quite an experienced squad
and I’m not happy when, ‘village sized clubs’ go home with all three points. Go and ask them what their aim is? Having seen
Gavin sign a contract extension recently, I wonder what his thoughts are? We could guess.... as we’re doing that from week
to week.

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Post  Boz1964 Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:19 am

Point Taken ( a bit like Harrow on the weekend) as your comments aren't too wide of the Mark.

Clearly Marky Mark you have a passion for the Club and your comments about losing to
'Village Teams' is born out of frustration and inconsistent performances particularly at home this season.

Whilst this week's offering was a little on the negative side ( a Mourinho?) it was intended as always to amuse and not to complain.

Negative comments on the Forum could I agree affect attendances but having carried out my own informal research believe this would be minimal if at all.

My experiment?

I left a series of match day programmes in our office waiting room and most men ( no women) caught reading them when asked if they followed Merthyr Town gave one of the following reasons/ excuses:

I wouldn't pay £12.00 to watch that lot.

I go to watch the Bluebirds.

I play football myself on a Saturday.

It is too cold and I am too old.


Sadly, it appears there is a very limited interest in the Town for live football- and as our stalwart older generation disappear there are few youngsters that can fund out of their pocket money to pay the fee at the gate....despite the sterling efforts in the local schools to create a fan base.

But it is what it is, all clubs have peaks and troughs.

Village Teams or otherwise Merthyr Town are not the force we were in the 1950's or late 1980's and never have had a divine right to win, week in week out.

But to end on a positive having been serious for once, we have a great ground and a better than average team to build on.

We just need to uncover the next Welsh Ian Rush and find another couple of hundred Marky Marks.

Boz

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Post  martyrmark Mon Mar 11, 2019 3:59 am

( Please, it’s MARTYR MARK ) ...... I agree with you, with regards to other people’s take on a match day and we’ll never be in control of that. The point I’m making is, I hope that every player that puts on the ‘Martyr’s’ shirt, doesn’t let their minds wonder during the season and think.... ‘we can’t afford promotion anyway.’ We don’t want that do we? By the way, enjoying your views on games but, please could you avoid the dreaded financial implications on promotion. Every club will be stuck in the same league for years if that was the case. I’ll be there on Tuesday wishing for three points and a little progress at least. Just one more thing as an example, go and ask Penydarren BC if they have any regrets playing in a higher league this season?

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Post  Boz1964 Mon Mar 11, 2019 1:22 pm

Apologies Martyr Mark, I appear to have inadvertently given you a rapper name.

My rapping name should now be Myopic Magoo.

Boz
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Post  Tim Drummond Mon Mar 11, 2019 3:57 pm

I take both sides of this argument from keen fans. Every manager and every team every season aim for promotion. If achieved, it shows they have done a good job, and the glory gives something for the supporters to celebrate.
I don't think The Martyrs will reach the play-offs this season, anyway, being realistic, but I am happy to enjoy each game as it comes.
But Society members of the club will be aware of the current financial situation and the amount of money needed in the next few seasons just to survive.
I managed to recruit 19 new fans during the past two seasons, not regulars but ones who have come when they can, including families (not a cheap afternoon out really).But the reasons for locals not supporting The Town, as mentioned by Boz are the ones I hear too. Yet lots of regular supporters travel from way out of the borough.
The manager and players do their bit on the field. Finances come from off the field. In the past 18 months I think 20 directors have quit the Board for various reasons, since the debts scenario was detailed.Yet again, a new Board is being formed, and they are doing what they can to try and achieve stability.They are aware it is not an easy task. When Merthyr got into the the Conference, Cardiff City were struggling and we lured in some of their fans, with gates regularly more than 2,000. I can't see this happening again, looking at Southern League gates.
We get big crowds for play-offs etc and that is it.Hereford reportedly pay some of their players £600 a week and more. I am not suggesting that Merthyr would or could do that, but Hereford enjoy big gates. I doubt our gates would go up on promotion, and if we struggled, the gates would go down.
In the 1980s John Reddy ran the club and great things were achieved. Lots of fans from that era have gone, we still have a remnant of the older supporters while it is left to some of the younger ones to fund-raise through events at the club.The picture has been greatly improved since October 2017 but we need to be realistic and realise what it costs to run Merthyr Town FC for a month (as far as I am aware, it is about £30,000. I hope this figure is not just for Society members to know!). It is a re-building process. Whether the club can step up, time will tell.
Penydarren BGC have done well but I don't know what their income and expenditure are.

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