Wycombe Wandering

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Post  Boz1964 on Mon Feb 26, 2018 3:12 pm

Wycombe Wandering.

With Merthyr's game at Royston Town on Saturday off due to the influence of the Siberian weather conditions in the form of the 'Beast from the East', my son and I decided to go and watch a different 'Beast from the East' in the form of Wycombe Wanderers Ade Akinfenwa.

Now you'd have thought that the standard of League Two Football ( Division Three in old money) would be vastly superior to the Evo-Stik Premier and you would completely right.

But who wants to see players crossing the ball accurately and shots on target every week?

That would be boring and too much of a good thing.

If your a Non-League football fan, you don't want predictability or certainty, much better to be totally gobsmacked, when three successive passes find players from their own team and be in awe for that one moment in every blue moon, when that ball hits the back of the net just like that debut goal from Owain Jones which brought me to my feet in admiration at the skill and timing of the Swansea youngster.

With Wycombe Wanderers v Morecambe Town, it was tedious one touch football with goals galore and quality in abundance and all at the low cost of a fiver entrance fee.

Great 'Adams Park Family Values'.

But what self respecting non-league fan wants this sort of entertainment?.

I'm from Merthyr, I am allergic to champagne and caviar.

I want my chips in a cob not on a silver platter.

Population size is what determines a Club support and just like Merthyr, Wycombe suffer from similar growth problems.

Boz's Merthyr Town is overshadowed by a Tale of Two Cities - Swansea & Cardiff, whereas, Wycombe is too close to the big London Clubs for comfort.

The parallels are there with the fans too.

Morecambe had fifty of so fans present in the away support, most of whom were dressed as Mexican Bandits and we at Merthyr are blessed with the Bennettorial Army, who despite being smaller in numbers, display the same wonderful comic presence at away games with vintage dress days and bearded beach party buses- with the only difference being that the Morecambe lot have a 'few dollars more'.

Given their respective league positions and club badges you would have expected the Wycombe Swans to have devoured the Morecambe Shrimps, but this was not the case.

Morecambe looked much more 'Wise' and straight from the off, attacked Wycombe with their short fat hairy legs.

From the first kick of the game, it was clear that whilst their sombrero wearing fans might have been dozing under those Mexican hats, their players certainly were not.

The combination of slap-headed midfielder, Kevin Ellison and striker Adam McGurk ( pardon me) didn't take long to bear footballing fruit, as the Wycombe defence made the fatal mistake, inside the opening minutes, of heading the ball across the penalty box which gave the forward an easy finish.

Worse was to follow for the home team when Ellison played Voldemort to Wycombe's Harry Potter, as the villain of the peace struck an evil magical shot over keeper Barry Roche for the second.

With Morecambe now Quidditch's in, the players couldn't believe their luck nor could their long suffering fans.

Cries of 'Aye Caramba' from the Away End followed a series of Mexican waves designed to wind up the Home Fans.

It was almost as if the league table had been turned on its head as promotion chasing Wycombe were being given a first half footballing lesson by the relegation threatened 'fracking' Northerners.

And it was to get worse too, before it was to get better.

Man of the Half, Ellison added a third on 38 minutes and then produced a touch line celebration engaging in a bout of pugilism against an imaginary boxing kangaroo in a homage to Everton's Tim Cahill.

By this time, Wycombe didn't know what had hit them and it seemed that this was their
'swan song' as far as the three points were concerned.

The Wycombe Beast, star striker Ade Akinfenwa, was being well caged by the defensive pairing of Dean Winnard ( who lived up to his name) and the Neanderthal fore-headed Alex Kenyon.

The muscular Oxo Cube on legs was kept at bay by fair means and mostly foul by the centre halves and not given a sniff by the referee who was happy for the opposing players to swap shirts at every corner or free kick.

Half-time came with the 'Good, the Bad and extremely ugly'  looking Away Fans gurning with pleasure, as they revealed why they were insulated from the cold, as ferrets were produced from down their trews and from under their ponchos.

Despite having five layers of clothing on, I felt like Leonardo Di Caprio character, Jack Dawson in Titanic, but despite being more frozen than a Disney Film and being three-nil down the Wycombe 'band played on'.

The little drummer boy in the stand refused to stop going crazy, when Wylde put the Shrimps 4-0 up, as Morecambe ran riot.

As the First Half had ended so the Second started in the same Morecambe fashion.

'You couldn't see the join'.

'Remember the Alamo' was the shout from the Away End- not because of the footballing massacre on the pitch but as a reminder of the name of the mini- bus hire company that had brought them over 300 miles South with their Lancashire Hot Pot packed lunch to the Sub-zero Arctic South.

The Wycombe Pitch was being circled by one of the multitude of Red Kite birds that inhabit the area- although given the scoreline it could have been mistaken for a vulture.

Unless it was of course a local- Leyton Buzzard?

Wycombe boss, Jim Bentley was certainly not on a High.

He was praying for the low-flying hawk to swoop down and steal the ball in the hope of the game being abandoned.

But decided that he needed to make a sub amongst his sub- zeros on the pitch to try and keep the ball themselves.

He brought on Winger Nick Freeman to see if he could 'Nick' one ( like the Red Kite) and get his side out of jail.

It worked too as both he and his fellow replacement Nathan Tyson started to make the game into a heavyweight contest- even if it was a uphill struggle.

A second for Luke O'Nien made the scoreline a little more respectable, as Morecambe took their foot off the shale gas pedal and invited the Home Side on- knowing that they were unlikely to concede four second half goals.

The result was immaterial to this virgin ground hopper but it would have been a travesty of justice if the Shrimps had not wormed their way out of their second half troubles.

Watching the outstanding Ellison wipe off the ice layer off his frozen bonce with a CD cover and dance around the Mexican Hat to 'cap' off a magnificent victory was worth the admission fee in itself but seeing a ding dong contest with 6 goals, one Beastly header that came back off the bar and a WWF contest at every corner that was well worth the visit.

A poor substitute for Merthyr Town but hey ....beggars can't be choosers.

I left Wycombe wandering what had gone wrong....they were no longer on a High.


Last edited by Boz1964 on Tue Feb 27, 2018 1:32 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Beastly Errors)

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