Saints and Sinners

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Saints and Sinners Empty Saints and Sinners

Post  Boz1964 on Sat Feb 17, 2018 2:46 pm

Saints turn Sinners

Is there such a thing as luck?

Or is it divine intervention?

I am not a superstitious man and being over 50 , I don't touch wood that often anymore, but today, Merthyr Town certainly rode theirs against fellow strugglers St Ives Town.

Now with the Red Flag Martyrs trying desperately to come up with new ways to attract young people to Romans and keep the club afloat, the latest plan was virtual reality day.

Unfortunately, I think the X-Box Sci-Fi games had caused a leak in the space/time continuum around Penydarren Park, which spread to the pitch starting around 3.00pm and only ending around 4.55pm .

Halo was to meet Slipped Halo.

By which time Merthyr had turned a 2-1 deficit with 7 minutes left into a second consecutive home win.

And it started with an early injury on 14 minutes to flying winger Corey Jenkins whose equine Mother, Pegasus, had asked for him to be replaced, as he was carrying an ankle injury.

This gave new loanee Owain Jones his first start and he made a quicker impression than
Rory Bremner's infant son.

Picking up the ball near the edge of the Penalty Box, he only had one thing on his mind and that was a shot on the St Ives goal.

And what a shot....Courtney Cox would describe it as a 'Screamer', as he made new 'friends' in the stands with a debut goal that flew over the Away keeper, Tim Trebes and into the top corner of the net.

As all 400 Merthyr Town fans jumped up and down as one, the people of Guangdong Province in China suddenly complained about an earthquake in their midst and decided on a tit for tat response.

The epicentre of the revenge action was recorded as 'Quakers' Yard.

Now this glorious effort was a genuine goal of the season contender, up there in South Wales history with the famous Gary Colborne strike v Swindon Supermarine (2014) or the Grant Thomas strike v Cardiff City (2009) or the Miners Strike (1984)

If ever the Saints were 'canonised' it was this shot.

And then suddenly the game went flatter than Pancake Day in the Cambridge Fens.

St Ives, who up until then had set up with one bun upfront, decided to unleash their master Baker- winger Ben.

And the player helped St Ives get a penalty after Scott Tancock took both man and ball
( but mainly man) and referee Ollie Williams didn't need to consult Sherlock Holmes before pointing to the spot.

It was elementary for Watson, as he slotted the ball to the left of our keeper to restore parity.

St Ives then started to monopolise possession with their 7 starring with his deft touches, as 'the Star Man ' Thomas Knowles had a big impact on the game.

With his military precision passing Major Tom showed he had plenty of 'ground control' and the Martyrs were fortunate to go to half-time with the game level.

Up until then Jarrad Wright had bossed the midfield like a Rhondda Bull in a China Shop.

The equalising goal seemed to galvanise the Saints who suddenly started to fly.

High profile player Peter Clarke and a follicle-challenged shrunken Mitchell Brother started to get to grips with the East End of our 3G pitch and slowly but surely forced Merthyr onto the back foot, as the influence of the Wright stuff began to wane.

True, St Ives players were hurtling to the ground quicker than a Lizzie Yarnold Olympic skeleton run but referee Williams seemed to buy into it every time.

Such was the confidence of Major Tom Knowles that he decided to nutmeg Captain Marble to the delight of the Away bench and smiling substitute Dubi Ogbonna.

It was nearly the last thing he ever did.

Morris did a nutmeg of his own on Major Tom leaving him with a new 'space oddity'
between his legs.

As he writhed around in genuine agony, they sent on the female trainer to the further annoyance of the people of Guangdong Province but being the gentleman he is, Captain Marble located his opponents cojones and put them neatly in a relic presentation case for their local church.

Yellow followed as red flowed.

St Ives regrouped and took the game to Merthyr.

It seemed only a matter of time before the Away Side got a 'Burly Ives' second and that honour fell to Ben Baker on 64 minutes, after a well worked move saw the Merthyr defence all at sea and left Oliver Davies completely exposed.

At 2-1 Saints manager, Ricky Marheineke was Living La Vida Loca on the touch line.

Merthyr tried hard to get an equaliser and Ian Traylor fashioned a chance for Jay Bowen, which unfortunately he skyed from the edge of the box.

The ball landed this time in Yulin, Guangxi Province much to the annoyance of the people present celebrating the Chinese New Year of the Dog.

They nearly dropped their dogs bollocks sandwiches.

Back in South Wales.

Cue a decision by one of our number to leave early, as he had circulation trouble in his feet and he needed to get a lift home.

It was strange but all the Merthyr Taxis had disappeared - presumably West Bromwich Albion's Gareth Barry and Johnny Evans must have been in Town.

Seeing Ken leave early made the Merthyr Management respond and they gambled by bringing on the fit again local hero Kerry Morgan in front of his adoring soprano Fanbase of the Kerry Morgan Soccer School.

Like having a crowd full of cheering miniature Joe Pasquales, they witnessed their mentor tear apart the Ives full back and slot home a late equaliser on 82 minutes.

And better was still to come for the Martyrs, as both the game and the St Ives motto was turned on its head.

Sopore Sudore- the sweat of the hardworking Cambridgeshire outfit turned to sleep , as the tiring defence let the outstanding Ian Traylor atone for an earlier uncharacteristic miss on 73 minutes and as he galloped into the penalty area, he had his shoulder tugged by their Captain and after having a Charlie on his back right at the De'Ath, he fell to the floor and brave referee Ollie Williams showed that unlike Major Tom,  he too still had cojones of his own, and he pointed to the same spot for the second time this afternoon.

Traylor doesn't miss twice in one game and he slammed his spot kick to the right of Keeper Trebes to the delight of the disbelieving Home Fans.

With seconds left, the referee blew up to signal the end of the game and break the hearts of the Saints who were no longer 'art now in Heaven'.

They were in Footballing Hell.

Not quite Galatasaray but still a Hell - as it was of their own making- as Traylor was heading away from goal, when he was so ignominiously pulled to the floor in the box.

I expect their Captain will have to go to confession after that one.

As the official left the pitch, he checked his yellow and red cards, he handed one to the Merthyr Captain.

It contained the name of a former sportsman who was no longer playing.

That of O.J.Simpson.

It was a get out of jail free card.

And three more home points which should have been heading back up the M4 towards Cambridgeshire.


Last edited by Boz1964 on Sun Feb 18, 2018 2:50 pm; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : Tear in the space time continuum)

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